Flushiepants Austerity Program

For some reason, I woke up Thursday morning at 4:00 am. I waved it off and slept till 7:00 am. Wonderful bed here at Encore!

Day 6 - Thursday August 27, 2026

Jimmy Poon worked with me into the night last night to figure out how to stem the bleeding from the video poker wounds I've sustained during this trip. This morning, I received a detailed package outlining what we discussed and his findings from further research.

Dear Royal Flusher,

The Flushypants Austerity Program is in full swing. We've constructed this initiative to respond with laser like focus to the current economic climate in your gambling wallet.

We are confident that the swift execution of the Plan will result in an increase in negative monetary growth that is within the scope of the current gambling project cycle, resulting in an increase in Customer Delight. You will be happy.

The Plan will be executed in three stages.

Stage 1 - lose less money.

Stage 2 - win more money.

Stage 3 - limit losses and increase winnings.

All of these initiatives can be summarized as follows:

You receive a tiny daily gambling budget, you lose it and you are done.

Best Regards,

James Poon

P.S. I fixed the trip report artwork.

After having my coffee, punishment banana, punishment RX bar, blogging, and loading up my wallet with just $200, I headed to the casino to try my latest 'Get Rich Quick' Keno scheme.

And wouldn't you know it, it started to work!

(Sorry some of the photos don't show the numbers lit up that hit - they flash on and off when the win is over and I caught them at the wrong moment.)

$47

$48

It worked so well that I increased the bets on the eight 5 spot tickets from 1 nickel to 2 nickels, James Poon be damned.

A curious thing happened as a result. It took a long while but my first hundred dwindled down to about 300 credits. I had found that this scheme was very low in volatility, but this had changed.

And then I realized why. I needed to balance the risk with the 4 spot tickets. They hit much more often (either in whole or in part) and I needed to win more on them in order to offset the added bet on the 5 spot ticket.

So I took a chance and increased the bets across the board.

See, the compelling thing about video Keno is that you have fine control over just how you want to go about losing your money.

I was down to a little over 200 credits when I hit a pretty good hand.

$128

$42

I enjoyed a cappuccino while I was playing (like yesterday morning), a button slapper at a nearby slot with a full one foot high wind-up, and a cigar smoking pot bellied golfer named Flack.

When my bladder said it was quittin' time, I cashed out with a $65 profit.

That's right folks, I didn't lose.

I felt like Chinese food again for lunch so I saddled up and pointed the rental car west to China Mama. It seems there are more than one of these and a China Mama Express as well, it seems like Mama might have been straying a little bit. Mama was totally chenille and her old man was a Marine.

Of course, you get a pot of fragrant Chinese tea and water when you sit down - and you get a little comfort pillow for your lower back.

Somewhere along the way, Mama must have realized that the booth benches with their 90 degree back angle were as comfortable as a park bench.

When in Las Vegas, who doesn't have a hankering for hot and sour soup? The beautiful thing about it is that everyone has their own take on it - it's a little bit different everywhere you go.

This version was extremely light on any vinegar notes and very umami-forward with some funky tree ear action.

Yes, I've been reading some restaurant reviews.

For the main course, I order Kung Fu Pow chicken. It came hot out of the walk, along with $1.50 worth of Steam Rice.

And it was delicious.

I really wanted to use the big serving spoon to eat, but that would offend the local clientele.

Instead, I used chopsticks to eat the entire meal. Yes, it was painstaking stabbing each chunk of chicken with one of the sticks, but worth it to 'fit in'. The peanuts were particularly problematic - they don't stab.

When all was said and Kung, I'd finished it all. I left a little Steam Rice for the next guy ding.

The meal was $25 plus tip. I tipped either $4.23, $4.70, $5.87, or the box in front of which Carol Merrill is now standing.

I haven't checked the machines at Wynn yet, but the only Keno I can find at Encore has been seriously downgraded. The 5 out of 5 pays 750, which is about as low as you can find. It used to pay 838, the most you can find.

Fontainebleau has the 838 paytables I'm told, so I thought it might be good to see if I can get enough play in there to trigger some offers. And that's where I went next.

I will re-iterate this, I hate Fontainbleau's parking garage with a white hot passion. What an ill-designed rathole maze it is. And the signage is terrible.

In the casino, I refreshed my expired players cards and got busy. The first machine I looked on did indeed have the good paytable for Keno. No nickels, only dimes. I went at it.

As is common for me this trip, I didn't hit any 5 out of 5s. I hit a four or two, but my first hundred only lasted one Blue Moon beer and 40 minutes or so.

I wandered the floor looking for Dancing Drums and gave Buffalo a spin. In no time I got a bonus that kept adding extra spins until it topped out at 28. Doesn't matter much if the Buffalos don't line up right across the reels. Still, I cashed out a winner.

I did find a Dancing Drums machine and went at it. And I got quite a bit of play out of it. Somewhere along the way, the Fontainebleau kindly gave me a bonus of $25 in free play. Nice!

I played this game for a good hour or so and then cashed out $100.

And that went in to video poker and... as usual, couldn't hit a goddamn thing. Finding it so hard to get quads when I need them this trip!

In all, I'd managed about two and a half hours of play in the casino. Think that might be enough to get an offer?

The artist used gigantic brushes for this.

I've had a problem this trip with using my room card to get in and out of the parking garage. I had to have my keys redone at Encore to fix this and I had the same issue at Fontainebleau using my player's card to try to get out of their Fucking Lot. Not great when there is a line-up of 20 cars behind you.

I tried everything, it just wouldn't work. I pressed the Phone button and started jabbering at the person who answered and they simply raised the gate mid sentence.

I wish the suits would take a look at the loss of goodwill over their paid parking nonsense.

It was at that exact moment that I had a terrible brilliant stupid genius idea!

I headed for McDonald's and picked up two double cheeseburgers for dinner.

Back in the room at Encore, I built a drink or two and relaxed. Was I worried about the burgers getting cold? No, I wasn't. I had a plan. And I wasn't quite hungry yet.

So I wrote the first part of this blog, and then... it was time to try to execute an advanced room camping move.

I chatted Dwiggie.

Hey, you're a smart guy. I have the Portable Beaker that I use for boiling water for coffee. I aim to use it to reheat a couple of McDonald's double cheeseburgers. I've already ascertained that one will fit inside - because it's in there now. But what procedure would you use for heating it without starting a fire or getting cheese everywhere?

Dwiggie responded:

It’s actually very simple. First make sure that the sides of the burger are only barely touching the sides of the kettle. Then take the burger out of the kettle. Then, pour a very small amount of water in the bottom of your air fryer and heat both of your burgers in there, buns at all.

Then make yourself a cup of coffee with your kettle. It’ll probably work.

I just realized you probably don’t have a air fryer there. Maybe use your microwave. Either way, use your kettle to make yourself a coffee.

I replied: You're helpless.

I boiled some water and poured it out, but the sides of the Beaker really weren't very warm, surprisingly. All the heat is at the bottom.

So I boiled some more, and poured out most of it, and then shoved the burger in and left it for a few minutes.

When I pulled it out, it had gotten wet at the bottom, but the wrapping seemed to be intact.

And there was some cheese melting going on and the first half of the burger was actually warm!

For burger number two, I boiled just a couple of inches of water in the bottom of the Beaker and then shoved the burger in. I intermittently turned the thing on and off, and then pulled the burg and turned it over. Repeat.

And this resulted in a fairly warm, if disgusting, burger.

I was really careful because you could easily overheat the kettle if you run it without much water in it.

Was all this fucking around worth it?

Of course. Room camping is an art unto itself. Half the satisfaction is in the genius execution of a stupid plan.

I went to bed will a tummy full of lukewarm burgers, and a happy feeling - I'd lost only $200 today. The Austerity Program was working!