Hot, Loud and Obnoxious

I don't know why I didn't create the trip report artwork myself instead of trusting Jimmy Poon. His Artificial Stupidity engine has screwed it up again!

Day 3 - Monday Aug 24, 2026

I woke up at 5:something o'clock. Normally, I would force myself to get up.

Not this trip. I waved it off and slept till 7:30. I will pay for this when I go home.

But I'm focusing on letting go and enjoying myself this trip. So far, so good!

Senor Gustavo El Vigoroso made for a fine punishment breakfast. This man, this legend, is a coffee expert who sips small cups of the brew seated at a worn whitewashed table that is precariously perched on the misty slopes of a coffee plantation in South America. He chooses only the finest beans to make the perfect blend. Only if it's good enough for Senor Gustavo, is it good enough to be shipped to you.

Actually, the stuff is boxed by a union garçon named Gilles in a warehouse in Sherbrooke, Quebec.

Still, it makes a fine cup as a part of a healthy punishment breakfast.

And while I 'enjoyed' my punishment RX bar, I cranked out another cookie-cutter blog post for all y'all to enjoy.

Late morning, it was time to hit the casino. I would really like to get a dollar royal this trip, and I feel the best way to do that is to play low volatility dollar 9/6 Jacks or Better. It also gets my coin in up there to keep the comp rooms coming.

Well, I pounded out about 1,000 hands and it cost $200. There are no photos, there are no wins. I played some triple play and this and that, no wins. By the time I was in touch with Bobby G, most of my ready cash was gone.

That's how it goes sometimes, if there aren't any hits, it's just a drain.

I headed over to Main Street Station and took a big fat marker. Reinforcements had arrived!

Kind of craving some vegetables, I opted for a buffet for lunch, while Bobby G worked on cranking out a YouTube video.

And of course, the bread pudding was extra runny!

Sufficiently fueled up, both in caloric and monetary terms, I turned to gambling again.

Loose Deuces ate $100. I had three Deuces dealt twice, but couldn't close. I was playing 50 cents and four ducks would have solved my problems nicely - they would have been worth $1250.

When a blog post is sprinkled with 'would have's, it's not a good sign.

I played some dime triple play Double Super Times Slutty Pay, and this is where I got really pissed off. I'll show you why in a sec.

I hit a quad, which is always nice. Finally broke the ice.

Then I was dealt quad 10s. And this is the type of hand that can really win you some money, but you need a multiplier. The hand by itself is $75 at that denom, but say you have a 10 times multiplier...

I didn't have no multiplier - no sireee - but on Double STP, you can get a multiplier when you hit Draw.

I was praying to Jimmy Poon and all things holy for that spinner. I hit the button and...  nothing. $75 is great but it wasn't going to make a dent in my losses thus far.

Here's a failed Royal draw!

And finally a quad... but I drained this out.

Bobby and Mrs. G were ready to head out to Jerry's Nugget, so off we went. I wanted to get a Jerry's Nugget hat but $24.95? Same hat they give away with a $40 Bingo buy in.

No hat for me.

So yeah, I played $100 in video poker, then $100 in video poker, then $100 in video Keno. Absolutely nothing to show for it.

Oh boy this was getting bad.

Mrs. G was playing some $5 blackjack, so I joined her at the table. The dealer was really fun, with all kinds of smack talk and jokes, so I hit her with my best.

"So where do they keep Jerry's Nuggets?" I asked.

"Say what? Jerry what!!?"

"Where can I see Jerry's Nuggets? Are they on display? Or maybe kept in a sack somewhere?"

"Alla time ain't nobody ever ask 'bout Jerry's Nuggets. What's wrong witchou???"

"Lots of things."

I played it down to where I had only $15 left and shoved it all into the betting circle.

Won that one, and then went on a pretty good run. Shoving a $20 bet out and hitting blackjack helped a lot.

And I managed to build my stack back up until it was time to eat. I colored up for $102.50. A profit of $2.50! It was... a start?

I've had mixed success at the coffee shop, but thought I might as well eat with the Gs.

Our server, Mr. Server was something else. He brought my patty melt last.

"Anything else?"

Bobby G said something about he heard the biscuits were good.

"Ketchup and steak sauce please," I said.

The server dude buggered off and then three minutes later, showed up with a biscuit for Bobby G.

"Here's your biscuit, and here's the steak sauce and hot sauce."

"I think the hot sauce is for that other table over there," said Bobby G.

"Oh. OK, right, did you want mayonnaise?" Mr. Server asked me.

"Yeah, that would be good. And the ketchup."

Five minutes later, my fries were getting cold. Mr. Server shows up with a stainless steel vat of mayo.

"Mayonnaise."

"Ketchup please," I said, "before my fries are cold."

Five minutes later the ketchup finally arrives. Mr. Server stands over my shoulder making unintelligible small talk. None of us have any idea what he's on about - something about the French. I say nothing and wish he would go away.

The guy was the worst waiter I've had in ages. Maybe because he was the supervisor.

Mrs. G kindly picked up my meal and I provided the tip. I would really miss that $2.50.

Back at Main Street, Mrs. G headed up to the room and Bobby and I headed to the Cal, where I promptly lost yet another $100 on 50 cent Double Double Bonus.

Meanwhile, Bobby was hitting things on Dollars, so I sat down beside him.

And finally, finally, some daylight.

What a relief! Maybe there was hope. Shortly after that I was dealt 4 to a Royal but couldn't get it.

BobbyG wanted to try Buffalo for the first time. I kind of thought he wouldn't like it and I was right. Some people are just not geared for it. The Quad Queen hated it and she would just pound the button to skip right to the results of each spin, trying to get to the bonus - she didn't care about the drama, she just wanted the money.

We both actually did okay and cashed out even.

Bobby had some free play to pick up at the Golden Gate, so we headed out, but on the way I bumped into Grace. We exchanged hugs and greetings and caught up a tiny bit.

"It's really awful out there, so hot!" she said.

An understatement.

At Golden Gate, Bobby made a couple of hundred while I lost $60.

This is when I accused him of sucking the luck from me.

"Goddammit Bobby, you're nothing but a lucksucker."

Never mind the $500 ticket I'd cashed out half an hour before, sitting next to him.

The Golden Gate is loud and horrible. For me, they've ruined the place. It once had so much old Vegas charm, and now it's nothing but pounding, bland, same old same old. Table games are gone. Restaurant is gone. I just hate it now and I have no reason to go there again.

Outside it was still scorching and Fremont was Fremonting. A carnival of excess, a midway of the lowest common denominator of 'in your face'.

We walked through Binions to give the lone decent machines a spin. I lost. Again.

Back at the Cal, we said so long for the night, and Bobby headed back to Main Street, while I had a date with yet more video poker.

Grace came around and I ordered a Maker's rocks.

"How was it out there?" she asked.

"Hot, loud, and obnoxious - like me," I said.

I played dollar Jacks and turned $100 into $200 without getting a quad. I cashed that out and changed machines.

I tried 50 cent Double Double. And hey, I got me a set of Pointies. No kicker, though. And I cashed that ticket out for $400.

I was really making progress and I thought maybe I could retrieve the day and maybe make the losses a little more reasonable.

Time to have a few Makers and relax with video Keno.  I played. And I played. And I played.

The five out of five would just not show up. I went through $100. And another. I cashed the $200 ticket and played through another $100. 

I must have played oh, for almost 2 hours?

Time for bed, but I thought one last bash at... what?

Dollar Boner Deluxe. One little quad would net me $400.

I played through $100 and then I did the stupid thing. I put in the $400 ticket.

In my defence, I was left unsupervised.

Well, I bashed through that in about 22 minutes. The Quad would just not show up.

And that was it for the night.

Oddly, this was a really fun day. I managed pretty well not to let it get to me. But facts are, I think this was the single worst day I have ever had in Vegas.

Sport humping a million dollars.