Rita

I've given up on AI. (And in fact, I'm furious with it.) This trip report is now officially named Hot August Tights. I hope that doesn't squeeze your lululemons.

Day 7 - Friday August 28, 2026

I apologize for the disgusting room camping cheeseburger photos from yesterday. I ate 'em but you had to look at 'em and wonder "Why?". To make up for all the punishment meals I've consumed at Encore, I decided to enjoy a hearty breakfast.

Besides, I had a $25 resort credit to burn.

And so, after coffee, blogging, etc. etc. I wandered down to Sinatra, which now serves breakfast and lunch.

It's a beautiful space, and I found myself seated at a beautiful table with crisp white linens and a beautiful view and a cup of real, beautiful coffee.

You may find this odd, considering all the low-rolling I've reported in the blog, but Flushiepants is quite at home in this kind of high end environment. I know where to put my napkin, which thumb to use to stir my coffee, and I don't steal anything off the table.

I stuck with the typical breakfast, but done hoity-toity style. Eggs over hard, sausage links, sourdough toast.

For the first time in a long run of such breakfasts, my yolks were still a bit runny. Ironic, isn't it, that I'm in the finest of restaurants in the finest of hotels, and they fuck up the eggs.

I said nothing. That would put a rift in the experience. They'd whisk away the entire meal, I'd sit waiting like a mook, and they would remake the entire thing, bowing, scraping, and apologizing the whole time.

Then they'd check loudly on the eggs.

"Well sir are your yolks hard enough? ARE THEY? ARE THEY?"

I choked them down with incredible luxurious abandon.

Everything was truly super-delicious. Is that one of those Michelin words? The sausages were nonpareil, although in another fox paw (yes I know, I'm being witty and condescending - it's required at this place!) the sausages were not actually linked.

I deducted another half Michelin star, mentally.

They don't slam an upside down bottle of Heinz on the table, nor do they give you a little rack of jam and marmalade packets, none of which are strawberry.

The three little dishes contained ketchup, a delicious raspberry preserves, and butter at the perfect softness for coating the toast.

I wasn't sure which side of the toast to butter, so I hope I didn't break protocol and slather the wrong side.

The whole meal including coffee and generous tip was $50. That's $25 out of pocket for me and $25 resort credit.

After breakfast, I took a walk over to the Wynn side and checked out the machines. I am pretty sure they gutted all the Keno paytables. They are all 750 for 5 out of 5, not 838 as they had been.

I found 9/6 Double Double Bonus quarters on Spin Poker and played 3 hands at a time. $100 went mighty fast. Was it going to be another one of those days??

My cousins Gambletron and Mrs. Gambletron arrived at the D last night, so I packed up my crap, and checked out of Encore just before 11:00.

Downtown, I parked in the death-defying parkade at the D and found them forthwith.

We had a good ole chinwag in the casino, and then I went off to do a few match plays from the Las Vegas Advisor book BobbyG had gifted me. Thanks, bro!

And Gambletron pointed out that the "Say Hi to Matthew" promotion was still on. That netted me a second $25 match play chip! I also confirmed that the Canadian dollars at par promo is indeed a one time only deal.

At the blackjack table I promptly proceeded to lose both match plays, two in a row. Hmm. Well, I threw another green into the circle and long story short, after six or eight hands, I cashed out up $25, earned the hard way.

I headed upstairs and found a Dancing Drums machine. I did get a bonus but in the end I didn't make anything.

And I bought a 250 game Keno ticket for $100.

Then I headed to the Downtown Grand and did their match play for $50. Dealt a King and a 10, and the dealer stood on 18. Easy money! I played another hand or two and cashed out $225, a profit of $125.

The bartops had the good video Keno paytable so I sat in for a long run at that. I got a bunch of 4 out of 4s but the 5 out of 5 that I needed so badly would not come. I'd loaded up the 5 spot tickets with a 4 quarter bet - if it hit, the total would be a little over $900. But no.

I'd had a really, really good shot at it, playing for almost an hour - but it just won't show.

Back at the D, I joined the Gambletrons at Bar Canada and plunked away ineffectively at 80 cent a spin White Orchid.

Dr. Shiboubou and Mrs. Dr. Shiboubou had surprised his parents, the Gambletrons, by walking on the their plane to Vegas at the last minute. They arrived and we all spent some time catching up.

It's so great to see family in Vegas. Most of mine is cast far and wide, so it doesn't happen very often.

I had a room booked at the Rio for Friday night, and Saturday night - to give me a place to hang while I wait for my red-eye flight out of here. The room was ready and off I went.

There's a Roberto's not far away, so I stopped there and got lunch. Five rolled tacos. Basically deep fried cylinders with a bit of chicken inside. Never had them before, one and done.

I gassed up the rental car - so I guess I got gas in two places. And then I checked in at the Rio. To my surprise, the kiosk thing actually worked this time and spit out my keys.

When I entered my room I found the safe locked. Oh great. This meant I'd have to wait for someone to come up and sort it before I could do much of anything. I did get ice and made a drink though.

The Rio's AI bot 'Rita' had texted me and suggested how helpful she could be. So I texted back about the safe. She said to contact the Call Center.

I used the phone to try to contact the front desk and got... Rita. So I dutifully reported the problem and she said she would put in a request to get it sorted out.

I waited half an hour. Then I phoned in again and asked about my previous request. Yes it was in the system, no stupid Rita could not tell me when someone would come.

She said, "Someone will be there to help you shortly."

I said, "DON'T CALL ME SHORTLY!"

She said, "I apologize for how I put that. Someone will be there... soon."

Time went on. It was well over an hour. I tried the housekeeping line and got... Rita. That got me nowhere.

I phoned the main hotel number and got... Rita. I asked to speak to a human. Rita said "I can help you with anything you need."

I said, "Your mama dresses you funny" or something similar and hung up.

In all, I tried five or six different ways of getting a human. IT CAN'T BE DONE.

After over 2 hours of sitting in my room I'd had enough. I put a note on the door and went down to the lobby. That meant I had to wait in the check-in line in order to speak to someone about the safe.

So another 20 minutes was gone.

I made my case to the Check in Sheila and she went into the back room to actually talk to someone. When she came back, she said someone would be up within 15 to 20 minutes.

I chatted her up a bit, hoping she'd offer me a meal, or maybe a chance to flog Rita to within an inch of her digital life, or at least show her a stern rebooting, but nothing happening. And I didn't feel like begging.

It was only a minute after I'd got to my room that there was a knock on the door. I was hoping it was Rita, but it was a nice fella from Engineering. He had the safe open in about 30 seconds. We checked for gold bars, cash, and coldwater fish, but there was nothing in there.

So I told him my tale and he was very apologetic. And here's the kicker.

They had never been contacted about my safe. Never. I'd been waiting for two and a half hours for nothing.

Needless to say this made me even more furious, but I kept my cool and suggested he needle the front desk Sheila to throw me a bone. He said he'd try.

Finally I could go to the casino and see if I could take some money off of the Rio.

Well, all the video poker has been gutted, and all they Keno payed 750 for 5 out of 5 - the lowest possible.

I played $120 through Dancing Drums and all I got was a weird ass hug from one of the Fu characters.

That was it. Rio is not getting another dime from me in the casino - I'd walk over to Gold Coast next door and play there.

On my way out, I spotted a couple of suits and hit gold - one of them was the director of digital marketing for the hotel.

She was very nice, she listened to my tale of woe, she told me how they were constantly trying to improve Rita's effectiveness, she even touched my arm and apologized for everything.

What she didn't do was ask for my name or room number and throw me a bone.

I'm zero for three in the department and I can only conclude that nobody at Rio gives a crap.

At the Gold Coast I played some Buffalo and some Keno and ate an amazing, freshly made cheeseburger.

But I didn't win a dime.

My only hope now is the 250 game Keno ticket from the D.

Another day in Vegas with no wins. I guess sometimes this is just the way it is.

But I'll tell you one thing - this is officially the worst trip I have ever had in 31 years of coming to Vegas.

It has been a brutal shitkicking.

Oddly, though, I'm not taking it too hard. I've actually had a great time.