Cruise Comps for Players

'Twas nigh on 12 full moons since Capt. Flushiepants ravaged the high seas of the Caribbean, taking plunder from the casino, and having his way with the Shouty people.

And when I say 'taking plunder' what I really mean is getting my ass kicked from Tampa to Cozumel and back.

But there was method to my financial madness. I was playing the long game to get highly discounted and even free cruises.

The strategy is two-fold - give evidence of offers from places I'm established to cruise lines. Gamble heavy on those cruise lines particularly on the first trip, and parlay that to cheap cruises on other cruise lines.

So, I opened negotiations with Carnival, esteemed worldwide for its physically fit clientele who are wont to throw hands at the tiniest slight, exercising joyfully in a dance of chair throwing, fist flying, leg lifting, and usually pants pulling. As in down. It's all part of the exercise regimen that keeps these folks in tip top shape.

It was a 4 day 'booze cruise' and in spite of the Walmart ambience of the passengers, I enjoyed the experience in the sense that I was on a boat, I was at sea, there was a casino (with free drinkages), and the food was pretty good, if you could elbow your way to the front of the slop line. Naw, actually the food was indeed pretty good. I just like writing disparaging crap that is potentially amusing to scan.

I signed up, showed them evidence of my degeneracy by sending copies of my various casino offers, got some discounted cruise offers from Carnival, booked one, and did my cruise. The out of pocket cost to me for an Ocean View room on the Carnival Paradise was $355.36.

This was pretty much the worst cruise I could have taken - and I knew that (to some degree) at the time. Having never been on a cruise, I wanted to see if I would like it under minimal circumstances.

It was short, populated with hordes of the Shouty Happy People of Autozone, and on a well-aged ship that had much value as scrap. The cruise was a booze cruise - a party run from Tampa to Cozumel and back. Total time on foreign shores? About 5 hours.

The Paradise was launched in 1998, with a passenger capacity of around two and a half thousand. She's plain, old, and worn, and has almost no balconies, but she's seen an endless stream of customers come and go. Kind of like the hookers at the bars in Excalibur.

It didn't take long for the first step in my plan to bear fruit. Offers from Carnival started to appear. Then they improved and appeared as a steady trickle. Once Carnival had processed the fact that I'd lost $1,800 in three days at see the trickle turned into a torrent.

Oh yes, they wanted me back - badly.

Here's an example - 7 day cruise with a Free Balcony Room + drinks everywhere for two. Out of pocket cost for 2 is $473.24 USD. That gets you the balcony room, drinks on board, and all your food.

There are lots of variations in the offers, but basically, on the strength of my play, Carnival is willing to house me and feed me and get me drunk for free. I have to pay the port fees and taxes. And there's the unwritten expectation that I will continue to gamble like a housed, fed, drunken sailor.

Chances that I would ever agree to such a stipulation up front? 0%. Chances that I will do it anyway? 100%.

So now I am well established with Carnival and could potentially book many cruises up front.

But suppose I wanted to try something different, suppose I wanted to be on a higher tier cruise line with a longer, more interesting itinerary?

The answer was to try URComped.

URComped is a business that evaluates players, represents them to various cruise lines, and provides you with offers, all based on your existing casino and cruise offers.

I'll cover that experience in the next post.

Interested in seeing how the Carnival cruise experience worked out?