Aloha, Mr. Royal Flusher

Thursday I slept fitfully, thinking about the fact that I was now down for the trip and trying to find ways to recast a two hundred bean deficit as some sort of moral victory.

It did help that I was eating and drinking like a King (a royal King!) but facts is facts.

Still... Mrs. Flusher has been in Vegas for 12 days and I'd been here 5 and for us to be still up $130 combined is actually a pretty good feat, considering the heavy play that Mrs. Flusher and to some extent, I've been doing.

Really, its practically revenge of some sort, right?

I decided to see what I could do with the $200 in my pocket rather than taking a big stake. That can lead to $700 debacles and SURELY we are smart enough not to do something like that again.

I put Stu's money management recommendations into action, mainly because he keeps hassling me about proper gambling discipline.

To some people, gambling discipline means washing their hands after going potty, each and every time. To me, it is a lot more than that. It has to be, if one is to be a savvy gamblester.

Onward... treated myself to a Starbucks latte with an estra espresso shot. She asked me my name to mark the cup with.

"Fakename."

"Excuse me?"

"My name is Fakename."

She looked at me and her lip twitched a bit.

"It's Swedish," I explained.

I'd learned my lesson the night before, pounding the buttons for a solid two hours looking for a premium quad on Double Double Bonus and getting my ass handed to me on a 10" pizza pan.

The quads just don't come that easily.

Double Double Bonus is a fool's game.

I headed for the King's bar and punched a $20 into Double Double Bonus.

Well, darned if I didn't manage to get the quad I'd searched for the previous night.

I actually cashed out profit on the session and we hit the safer Bonus Poker machines. Mrs. Flusher had a nice straight flush - dealt to her of course. How the hell does she do that???

We played some penny 100 play and this and that and I was starting to get despondent. My profit was slipping away.

Mrs. F hit a few Royals Flush along the way, they are kind of fun and easy to get, and as far as I'm concerned don't count as real video poker accomplishments. I think she had 3 or 4 of them in all. The real trick would be to be dealt one on 100 play.

Spot the Royal!

There it is. A nice little micro Royal.

Stupid 100 play always leaves you with not enough credits to play a full hand, so I had to cash out. I had $3.05. I shoved it into the first slot I saw, which happened to be the Silver Strike machine I'd seen those convention/tournament folks so eagerly pounding the shit out of to get the fancy silver bonus coins.

First pull on the machine, the Silver Strike logo came up and it did its thing, randomizing the selection of the coin I'd get, and spit the sucker out.

A very eager-looking man handed me a card. Apparently, he is the Poo-bah of Silver Striking, and talked to me about the tournament, the website, collecting these coins and so on.

"Have you been playing this for long?" he asked.

"No, actually, I just had three bucks left so I threw it in here and on the first pull, this came out."

His brow furrowed a bit.

"Those are difficult to get. Some of us play up to a hundred dollars to get one. I've seen it happen."

"Well, thanks for all the info..." I said as he started away.

I shrugged and pounded Max Credits.

"Hey, I hit another one of those Silver Strikers!" I said.

Sure enough another coin popped out as he glanced back at me. I can't help it if I'm lucky can I?

I spun the machine again and won 10 coins or something, just enough for a few spins.

Two spins later a THIRD one of these things plopped out.

"THIS IS EASY!" I yelled for anyone to hear.

I had a good run on Jacks, doing the parlay thing from quarters to 50 cents to dollars... but just when I needed a hit on dollars it drained away. Went from $20 to $90 to $0. Oh well.

I was kind of getting over my super-heavy gambling phase - it always happens at the start of the trip, I just want to play and play... now I was relaxing a bit.

And what better way to relax than writing up a trip report blog and having comped room service breakfast? And that's just what I did.

Four Queen's 'Healthy Heart' breakfast.

A note to chefs everywhere. And believe me, I've had to explain this before to kitchen staff. When I order eggs over hard, that means crack them, break the yokes, cook them, and when they are cooked, deliver them to me hot and fresh.

Eggs over hard does not mean crack them, break the yokes, cook the ever loving shit out of them until they are as tough as beef fucking jerky and deliver them to me hot and tough as a Michelin radial tire. Apparently, though, most cooks think that it does.

FYI breakfast is: 2 pancakes with banana on, 2 sausage disks, 2 eggs over nuclear test site, hash browned potatoes, various condoms in a bowl like ketchup and syrup, and milk.

Just sayin'.

While I was up in the room, Mrs. Flusher was visited by 'Randy' the host again, just checking in to make sure she was still pounding the bejesus out of their machines. (She was.)

"If there's anything... anything you need - don't hesitate to call me," he said, apparently.

She did ask for late check-out - because we were due to move to the California for the VP tournament.

We hit the bar for one last DDB session and I managed a quad, while Mrs. F managed twos with kicker for $200.

We got our cashback and packed up. Mrs. Flusher did an inordinate amount of play - about double mine, although she had a day or two head start. Still - $50K in action is a lot. No wonder the hosts are visiting.

My coin in and out were kind of cool. $26,244 coin in. $26,372 coin out. Plus I got $86 in cashback.

We grabbed a cab and I told him, "It's just to the Cal but don't worry, I'll take care of you."

Those guys are waiting a long time in the heat for a fare, so I actually feel for them, even though they longhaul me every chance they get. The fare was $5 and I added a $10 tip. Nice enough guy, so it was good. And much more Zipperless than dragging our junk through 108F degree heat for 4 blocks. We got our room, dumped our stuff, and registered for the tournament. I dropped off some goodies for the folks that run them - they are really great. Maple sugar and maple fudge. I hope they have dental.

Mrs. Flusher was tuckered out from a long afternoon of hefting Jameson's so I headed down to the casino alone.

I played a bit of this and that and settled in on a nice slant-top Bonus Poker machine.

I remember this very well. I was dealt four to a Royal, in spades. I held the cards, and checked to see which one I needed. I needed the Jack of Spades. Okay. Hit Draw and... saw the card. And it was the Jack of Spades. And I knew I had it. Then the music started and the machine locked up.

I love that shit. I really do.

Hand pay, and I got a 'winner!' t-shirt out of the deal too.

We took a break, shower and stuff, and went back down to have at this dollar progressive whose Royal was about double what it starts at - $8,000. Why not try to knock it out of the park? We threw a few hundreds at that but no go. Would be sweet for someone.

Time to check in at everyone's favorite, the Boar's Head bar at Main Street Station. The ever efficient and delightful Kelly served up our faves as we went in search of Bonus Deluxe quads.

Well, I got my ass kicked, but the Mrs. managed a couple of the $100 beauties, while I pounded back Absolut on the rockeses.

"One more please, my tastebuds are almost numbed enough for the buffet," I said.

Someone giggled. It was probably me, actually. We got giddy, and for some reason, the fact that I've never thought of the phrase "Niagara Balls" before seemed particularly hysterical.

Mrs. Flusher pounded out a third $100 quad while I went empty handed. I didn't care that much, having another Royal under my belt.

Buffet was buffet. The steak was as tough as eggs over hard.

I hit the tables, starting with craps. Did crap. Dumped $65 in a few rolls. Hardly won a thing. Gave up and walked away, looking for a suitable Blackjack table. Did two circuits. Spied the roulette table.

Dumped some dollar chips on the layout and a $5 chip on black. Hey, one of my straight up dollar bets hit! Never done that before. I cleared maybe $25.

In honor of BeeeJay I put a red on 17.

Holy crap, it hit. Never done THAT before either. Great way to end a great day.

Here's the skinny:

R.F., up $735 on the day, up $535 on the trip
Q.Q., up $139 on the day, up $469 on the trip.

All told, we are still ahead by a cool $1004 and we have a combined five Royals Flush on the trip.

That'll teach you to cook the crap out of my eggs, Vegas!