Another sadly crappy Excalibur offer - Taken!!!

This trip is shaping up beautifully.

All the reservations are made - we're starting out with 3 nights at the California, comped.

We thought we'd have a bit of luxury in the form of the Golden Nugget for 4 nights - booked in at a measly $42 per night. In spite of heavy play there this summer, no decent offers have been forthcoming. But we'll give 'em one more chance. Mrs. F did manage to get a few nights comped after the fact so we expect that this foray into the Smug Nugget will cost no more than $100.

Then we're heading over to our old standby, the Four Queens. We've got 6 nights there - 5 comped on 2 combined offers which include $100 freeplay total, and some food too, and one night at $24.

That bare night will probably get comped in the end.

Then it's on to the El Cortez for four nights - similar deal there, with 3 comped including some freeplay and food, and one at a very low rate.

So there you have it,16 nights for about $150 out of pocket.

On top of all that, we've booked 2 nights at Excalibur, which comes with $25 freeplay and $50 resort credit. And, when I finally got into my MILFE account, I found out the Mrs. Flusher's play there this summer racked up about $100 in combined freeplay and Express Comps, so it was worth booking.

We won't be staying there though.... my niece will! Yes, I will be bringing a new Flusher into the Wonderful World of Fabulous Las Vegas!!!

Her whole life, I thought my niece had the stupidest name on the planet. I still love her, but honestly, who would name a child Lamondo???

Lamondo is studying to be a filmmaker. I think that probably means she spends a lot of time at weddings with her 'good eye' (one of them kind of wanders and is pretty watery) glued to a Sony Handycam. I don't really know much about it - but she did recently make some sort of a 'short'.

Isn't that what Larry, Curly and Moe made? It's 25 minutes long and she starred in it and directed it. I'm hoping for a director's cut that will be longer - maybe 27 or 28 minutes.

As I mentioned, my sister named Lamondo the dumbest name I'd ever heard - that is until she hooked up with her beatnik boyfriend Clevedge.

Clevedge is a kind of quiet guy, which is good, because you can't really hear what he says through the 10" bangs that hang directly over his face. He also sports some sort of dark, dark, dark Ray Bans in what look to be Roy Orbison frames. I think he wanted to be a poet, except it was too much work making things rhyme.

Anyway, Lamondo and Clevedge will be joining us in Vegas for a couple of nights, and they'll be our guest at the Excalibur. I suppose I could have sprung for a better room but what's the point in wasting a bunch of money on a suite at Caesars if you're not sure they're going to like Vegas???

Lamondo seems to like Clevedge, and he seems to like her, and together they are 'cutting' her film in L.A. I guess that's good enough for me and I'm incredibly proud of her.

And maybe if she gets famous in L.A., she'll have enough money to justify changing her name to something nice and simple.

Like Jane.

Another sadly crappy Excalibur offer

When we were in Vegas 6 months ago we did some pretty heavy DDB play one day at Excalibur. And last summer Mrs. Flusher played a few hours of dollar VP play at MGM.

And it triggered a pretty nice offer - 3 nights at Excalibur, $75 freeplay.

But now I'm getting these crappy offers like this one:

$25 in FREEPLAY® or Promotional Chips - okay...

Guaranteed Rates! $21 Midweek and $38 Weekend Rates Per Night - whoop-de-fuckin-doo.
$50 Your Choice Resort Credit - hmmm

Apply your Resort Credit to any room charges made during your stay - room service?

VIP Services Check-In - a higher quality of deskling to check me into my cookie cutter sleeping cube.

This is all very nice, but in the fine print there's a resort fee.

Wouldn't that eat up the $50 worth of "Resort Credit"?


I'm saddened that I'm getting these crap offers after they dangled a pretty good one just a few weeks ago.

And looking at the offer artwork, I don't get it. Do you... walk down the red carpet to your waiting stretch limo which then... whisks you across the street to stupid looking Excalibur?

Nothing says class like a hotel with a blue, orange and yellow roof.

Anyway, we know where we're going when we arrive in Vegas - the California, where there is TRUE class. Fortunately for me, its lower class, right where I fit in.

! I booked it last night and I can't wait - I think the first machine I'm going to hit will be the $1 Treasure Chest slant tops at the base of the escalator.

I also have booked Chippy in at Left B-Hind Kennels - I managed to sneak the reservation in before Mazie jacked up the rates.

Mazie is a lovely woman of 130 who has that "I smoked 3 packs a day of Mark 10 unfiltered" look to her skin - sort of like if you took three times too much face and packed it onto a normal sized head.

Mazie reads this blog - just so she can jerk me around.

Her blue hair is just the color of the haze of cigarette smoke that surrounds her like a deathly halo. Fortunately, she isn't allowed to smoke inside the kennel - not since the unfortunate recent Flusherville Fire Dept. visit. Who would have thought a pail full of dog poop could give off that much methane??

This morning we are working on our other booking plans.

Dumbasses - just noticed this in the fine print:

"Offer valid through October 31, 2011. Offer has to has be booked by November 18, 2011."

Surely a bunch of knights and damsels could check their Gregorian calendars before sending out these email 'offers'.

Royal Flusher's Cycle of Life Part II

"You know that feeling you get when your teeth dig into about half an inch of Kraft Velveeta cheese and you pull a bite away from your "all there is" sandwich and there's a little pop as the suction lets go, and you start chewing the "all it is" bite of your "all there is" sandwich and the Velveeta cheese tastes pretty good but now it too damn salty and suctioned permanently to the roof of your mouth, potentially inhibiting your breathing?"

Royal Flusher's Cycle of Life on Royal Flusher World.

Royal Flusher's Cycle of Life Part 1

"How do you get through the PVD (post-Vegas depression), get yourself moving, and get on with life?

"As I walk through those factory gates (in the rain) every day at North American Veeblefetzer (where I make ten thousand rubbery size 7 grommets a day, many of which are not sub-standard factory rejects), I ask myself, 'What are you doing here?'


"After a morning of hearing loss, I pull my Velveeta cheese sandwich from my lunch kit, the bread slightly dry on the outside, maybe a limp dill pickle in wax paper with it if I am lucky, and I sit on a stool at the side of the size 7 grommet line, and I think, "What the fuck?"

Royal Flusher's Cycle of Life on Royal Flusher World.

Every Vegas Breath You Take

It's been a couple of weeks since I checked in here. I'm happy to say, I think I'm starting to get used to getting blown every night. By the CPAPS-R-US CPAP of course.

I am definitely seeing results and starting to sleep in longer stretches without interruption.

And more importantly, I feel GOOD. (Cue James Brown.)

I have way more energy, I can think and concentrate, and my mood is fantastic.

Having to use this machine - it's kind of a blow to the ego you know? But the daily results (as well as the prospect of living an extra fifteen years) are worth it.

I'm ready to move on - and that means...

planning the next trip...

to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, USA.

Yes it's coming up fast, we've got a stack of offers, I've got clearance from North American Veeblefetzer that I won't be bothered with any pagers or cell phone on call duty or any bullshit like that.

This trip will be our own, and it will be a total break and rest from all the bullshit of the working life.

Bring it on!!!!

Breathe to me only with thine lungs

I wish I could say the first night was like a wedding night for my lungs where my CPAP cherry got broken and choirs of angels chorused while my dreams took flight and deep, deep, satisfying sleep ensued.

Alas.

Not.

The thing that delivers the 800 foot-pounds of air pressure to my nose and lungs is called a 'nose pillow'.

This thing amounts to a couple of air-injecting nose cannons made of silicone, attached to a hose, and a jockstrap, and attached to the CPAP (with cup holder, CD player and air humidifier).

I'd tried out a smallish over-the-nose mini-jockstrap in Dr. N. Hale's (Jeez that is corny) sleep lab for an entire night. And I'd tried out the oh-so-chic nose pillow in Bridget's office for a total of about 45 seconds.

Because I am interested in proven results, instead of chic fashion, and in reducing risk by going with what I know - I strapped on the nose pillow the way a middle-aged housewife might strap on a 'good for the gander' love toy - carefully, with many false starts, and ending with an overall violent strap tightening that would give Dr. Frankenfurter nightmares.

I know - it sounds sexy - but its just some goddamned silicone thing stuck up around my nose.
The first night was weird. It was fitful. I woke up a lot. I hated the fact that I am so defective that I will have to rely on this contraption for probably the rest of my days. I wondered about how I would take this to Vegas and would it make me be able to concentrate better and win more.

I thought about a lot of things.

And I wanted, frankly, to rip the horrid, invasive, blow-me wind-tunnel of sleep death off my face and throw it out the window.

But is that what a savvy gamblester would do?

I think not.

In the end, I stuck with it all night long. And I saw the following times on the clock: 11:30. 11:35, 12:24, 12:48, 1:30, 2:30, 2:40, 2:50, 3 something, 4 something, 5 something, 5 something and a half, 6 something...

And then it was light and I'd made it through the first night.

It wasn't a great nights sleeps, but you know what?

I felt good. Maybe it was just the euphoria of being able to take the nose dildo off, but I felt good. And I really felt like I had had better sleep than usual.

The day bore that out - I had more energy, and could think. My time on the size 7 grommet line at North American flew by.

Maybe just maybe this is indeed the way forward for me.