Dispatch: Walking the Burrito

My time at the Tropicana Las Vegas was interesting in the sense that oddly, nothing much happened. I played video poker, no huge wins, did lots of nickel multiplay. I played Freddy F. and got some bonuses. I tried the craps table and crashed and burned in 20 minutes. I played some Beefffallloooo. I couldn't get a stool at blackjack that I liked, so I didn't play any of that.

A giant dick, a Thunder Down Under cast member, and an inflatable penis.

In and around all this nickel multiplay and generous cocktail waitress service, I found myself in that familiar gambler's dilemma. You haven't really had lunch, it's past dinner, you're fairly well lubricated, and all of a sudden - you are starving. You HAVE to eat. Like NOW.

But what? There was nothing at the Trop that I was interested in. Maybe at a nearby property?

I thought about it with the concentration of a 14th-round palooka that won't take a dive, and calculated the how far do I have to walk versus how delicious is the targeted junk food ratio multiplied by cosine(would I have to wait for food) coefficient.

And I came up with a mathematically plausible dinner plan. Baja Fresh at Excalibur.

So I set out on what I thought was a brief walk, but as you'll see, one that turned into so much more than that.

One Fine Day at the Tropicana

Let's head to the Tropicana Las Vegas!!! Yeah? Sure! Why not!

This trip report, as you might have noticed, is not in chronomalogical order. It's been more storytelling, jumping around in time like I had too many Flux Capacitors at the Tipsy Robot.

Part of the Lost Weekend was spent at the Tropicana - and just like that, I found myself checking in, with my license, credit card, and a $20 bill at the ready.

Even though I didn't play too heavily last trip, the Trop is forking out the room offers - 3 nights comped, no resort fee, each month - way more than a Canuck import from Flusherville can use, but I feel so loved!

Luxor is still offering me 2 nights (which will cost about $80 in retort fees and taxes) and $10 free play. Luxor is dead to me until I find out they have renovated every stinking pyramid hotel room, and completely changed their clientele. It's really, really, really hard for me to be the classiest guy in the casino - but at Luxor... I am.

Anyway... I decided to be ridiculously brazen about bribing the counterling providing a pourboire to the front desk staff for excellent service.

Jimmy Poon Revolutionizes Canadian Low-cost Air Travel

This is extremely exciting! Canada is getting a new low-cost airline, which will start flying in 2018.

Spearheaded by Jimmy Poon, the technical wizard behind Royal Flusher's Vegas blog, the model is similar to other low-cost carriers such as Ryanair, which has completely fucked itself by totally hosing it's planning and having to cancel about 9 million flights. But that's not pertinent (yet).

Bye bye Air Canada. Bye bye Westjet. Bye bye Rouge.

Soon we will be able to slip through the air with Poons airlines!

Want to travel? Split with Poons!

You pay for your space on the airplane with the advertised fare.

So you want to fly from Flusherville to... say.... Las Vegas. Air fare would be advertised at $4.

The $4 fare gets you space on the airplane - but it doesn't say where.

It could be in the hold. It could be crouched inside one of the wings. It could be in a cowling or a fairing.

Air fare: $4

So, $4 gets you to Vegas, but you want to add a bit of comfort? Everything is brilliantly a la carte!

Air (breathing): $20
Unreserved seat lottery space: $26
Seat lottery seat guarantee: $10
Over 98 pound charge: $22
Carry on lunch box space charge: $12
Carry on luggage charge (up to 2 kg): $18
Carry on luggage charge (up to 7 kg): $28
Guaranteed seat next to a swarthy commoner eating a coil of garlic sausage out of the hand nearest you: $44
Seat selection: $62
Arrival fee: $26

Finally, somebody to take on Air Fuck You Canada and Westjet. And particularly, Air Fuck You Canada Rouge!

Rouge vs Poons? I know who I'm grabbing!

The Bride Goat

Ride share services have in general made me very happy in Vegas, because I've had so many terrible cab rides. Drivers that threw my luggage out of the trunk and drove off when I told them 'no tunnel'. Drivers that talked about nothing but how much they hated xyz people. Drivers that told me how a 72 year old buddy of theirs got a real nice bride in South America who was only illegal-teen years old. Drivers that have refused directions, drivers that have long-hauled me, drivers that have dropped me off at the wrong entrances to hotels, miles from the lobby.

So Lyft and Uber have been great so far, with pretty good people, and great rates. And I don't have to worry about some Robert de Niro wanna be asking me if I'm 'talking to him'.

However...

You know that when it comes to transportation, I am a shit magnet.

Let's look at some of the rides I took this trip - all Lyft. I took two from Main Street Station. Worked perfectly.

And actually, here's a savvy tip for those of you who like to stay at the California Hotel and Casino, a place that I may have mentioned briefly from time to time.

Dispatch: That's the Way the Fan Belts

This is my 1,000th post on Las Vegas the Royal Flusher Way. Quite a milestone. I know there are some of you out there that have read all 1,000 - heck not even I have done that.

Thank you for your loyalty and support - you readers are the reason I do this. Jimmy Poon, on the other hand, does it because he thinks we are just about to strike it rich with the moneytization plan he put together four years ago.

I also pay him a case of Costco tuna a month for his cat Tang.

R.F.

So the last time we saw Funkhouser, he was wandering around the Linq with yours truly and eight pounds of Hash House a go go meatloaf in a take-out bag.

We toured around the Linq and found some machines to try, back in a corner, which I could just recognize as pretty much the spot where I had my best ever run on a $20 bill - that famed 4 hour Jacks or Better marathon.

It was also near the spot where the change guy put a bag of nickels into a quarter slot. And when I cashed out the machine rained nickels for 15 minutes. Because it didn't count nickels on the way out, only quarters. It was awesome. (I told them. I'm stupid.)



We found a couple of cockpit-style video poker machines - the kind you sort of climb in to rather than sit at. Funk on the right, me on the left, server coming by with Maker's for me and Crown Apple Royal Flusher Apple for him and I'm very happy until I realize that I am not winning a goddamned thing.

Nor have I been all day.

I went through a couple of twenties and said, "Sorry bud, this machine hates me, I have to go to the other side."

Dispatch: Things I Ate

There's been way too much literary genius around here. And that's just the ads!

"The secret trick Colonscopists don't wan't you to know! Do this every day for an "easy" colon!!!"

"This butt-ugly jelly fish thing cures impatience! Impudence! Softies!"

"The 401 most memorable failed pickup lines."

So I'm sitting here, listening to some sophisticated latin music (the perennial 'boy band' out of Puerto Cana, "Pudenda!" and their incredible live release "Huevos Rancheros"), thinking about the world's problems, including the lack of quality synchronized dance moves, bad video poker paytables, and seized facet joints.

Mr. Jameson is on the job, working on the facet joint issue, and Pudenda! is planning a tour of bars in South American cities on the fabled Chicklet circuit. I think it's gonna work out fine, per Ike and Tina, and more instrumentally, slide master Ry Cooder. Look it up.

Anyway, I've been spending too many hours at the computer this week so I thought it would be a good time to lay some pictures of Things I Ate on ya.

MSS buffet fried chicken was excellent every time. Why? Because I lucked out and got it fresh.

Royal Flusher, Secret Agent 69 - In Search of the Sky Room

Welcome back to Flusherville, where the only jerks are on your heartstrings.

I have heartstrings. Little strings, attached to my heart. They end in a little round plastic ring.

When you pull on my heartstrings, and then let the ring go, I say "FLUSHIEPANTS LOVES YOUUUUU" Pull. "LET'S HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT!" Pull. "BE SAVVY! PLAY MAX COINS!" Pull. "PULL MY FINGER! NO, REALLY, PULL MY FINGER." Pull. "LET'S FIND THE FREMONT SKY ROOM!"

Like most older hotels, the Fremont Hotel and Casino in fabulous downtown Las Vegas (Home of the World's Biggest Cardboard Panhandling Sign!) was not built all in one go. It started small. And then they added on. And added on some more.

Did you know that the Fremont had a rooftop pool? (But... where???) That it had a revolving lounge, the Carnivale lounge? Wayne and Jerry Newton cut their teeth there. They also sang for money.

Did you know that the Fremont had a rooftop lounge called the Sky Room? Look closely.

These things piqued my interest. What happened to them all, particularly the very vintagey-named Sky Room?

In 1963, the Fremont expanded north, adding a 14 story tower, which included, I think, the Sky Room which disappeared before 1970. And I want to find it.

The Jumbleberry Conspiracy -or- Flusher Surprise

Don't you love breakfast? I sure do. One of my best breakfasts of the trip took place at the Cal. And it wasn't just that the food was good.

It was that I finally got to meet the infamous Joan of Aces!

She's a blog supporter, and I'd had a few messages from her, pre-trip, but hadn't told her I'd be in town. I knew what she looked like from stalking viewing Facebook and there I was and I looked at some machine and holy moly, it was Joan of Aces!

Even better, she left the machine for a break. This was too much of an opportunity. I snuck over there and dropped an Official Royal Flusher Business Card 2.0 (with the Strict Rules of Parlay rules on the back, and the official hologram of authenticity on the razor sharp edge) on her machine and slinked away like a Slinky.

Whatever.

I retreated and watched from afar as Joan returned to her machine, sat down, and then popped up like a whack-a-mole, head turning left and right, scanning right, scanning left, scanning right again, scanning left again for whoever looked like they could be Royal Flusher. She looked a bit like she was in the crowd at Wimbledon.

Dispatch: Too Hot for Dogs

Barely pertinent Fremont Casino photo taken at the wrong time of day for this blog post, but featuring painted ladies.

One day downtown, while staying at the California Hotel and Casino, there I was, minding my own business, gambling lightly here and there, not causing any trouble (yet), and, the blazing inferno of the sun being at the top of its arc, under which Las Vegas roasts slowly to a golden brown, like a giant shwarma (with gambling), I, Royal Flusher, felt, well, a little peckish.

Not a little pecker, you pervs with bad eyesight, peckish, PECKISH. As in so hungry I could eat an El Cortez Keno lounge naugahyde seat cover.

Strike that.

I was very, very hungry.

I knew just what to do about it, too. The thing that I would do, that would fix the thing that I had to do something about, that thing, was... to... eat lunch.

Hey, not every blog post can be an E. L. James literary spank-fest leather clad sweaty red-skinned masterpiece. Whaddaya want for nuttin' ?

I happened to know a little out-of-the-way, quaint, secluded restaurant downtown that served the most incredible, delicious, delightful, calorific, large-portioned steam tray culinary delights... and I headed there forthwith.

The best part? My 1960s style California Meal Coupon books (pictured in an earlier post, labeled a 'pocket dump') would cover my gourmet lunch in toto! (The totality, not the inbred dog. Did someone say a breaded dog? That would be a Pogo. Or Corndog.)

Where are you going with this, Flushiepants???!!!!

Dispatch: Fried Green Funkhouser

Quick flashback - when we were in the suite waiting for my piPhone to charge, Funkhouser gestured to the artwork on the wall and rambled about Stefon and what if this were hair and the next thing I knew he was crouching behind the bar, posing.

Posted with permission:

Funkhouser doing his best Stefon, in his Yellow period.

We perused the menu at Hash House a go go at the Linq after getting the appropriate memorized and spoken too quickly greeting from our young but probably efficient five foot tall chipmunk of a server. He left us with the menus, scurried off, and we started browsing.

"Wow, so many things look great... I've heard that each dish here is enough for two people," I said.

"Yeah, I've heard that... big portions..." said Funkhouser.

We browsed.

"There's so much wasted food in the world - it makes me crazy when people take way more than they can eat at the buffet and just... throw it away! They don't even eat it! And, meanwhile - meanwhile, Funkhouser, meanwhile - lonely hungry people are starving in the Deserted Sands Retirement Citadel just down the road from Circus Circus."

"You want an appetizer?" asked Funkhouser.

Dispatch: We got the Funkhouser! Gotta have that Funkhouser!

And thus, an accounting of the second night of debauchery and large portions, hanging out with Funkhouser.

This time I'd be heading down to the Strip, where he was ensconced in a Linq suite, which was festooned with free play, I hear.

No wonder the warehouse is low on Maker's Mark barrels.

I thought it might be easiest to summon a Lyft from Main Street Station because it's open and you can't miss it. And my ride appeared in about 93 seconds and off we went. My experience with it was one of the better ones this trip...

The plan was to meet at Harrah's at 5:00 and I was embarrassed that I had got caught up in producing a live blog post and hadn't even left the room at the Cal until 5:02. I apologized profusely by text - in the end, it didn't matter - Funkhouser had found himself a hobby at the 69 Stars Diamond Caesars Stud Lounge that, for once, didn't involve a Westjet flight attendant.

Go The Frack to Sleep!

When last we saw our hero, he was headed to the Golden Gate.

So were Flushiepants and Funkhouser.

Where were we?

Let's see... Funk wanted to see the new entrance. I'd already had a look, and I bit my tongue. I wanted to tell him "This is a total fucking waste of space in a 300 square foot casino and won't last 6 months until Darrin Stevens figures out that he's used 15% of his floor for a BUNCH OF FUCKING TVs."

I know, I know, I'd called out for more 'whimsy' in Vegas. I should have said 'interesting and engaging whimsy that isn't a BUNCH OF FUCKING TVs."

Damn it's fun writing this blog! :)

Ooh, look! TVs!

As you can see, the new entry way is the hot spot on the FSE, creaming the revenue 60 cents at at time.

Willy Wanker Wonka Wins

I have to re-iterate - we were full of 'the most amazing' Gourmet Grilled Cheese and fries elevated to fries in a little metal basket.

It really was delicious!

The sandwich reads like this on the menu:

Gourmet Grilled Cheese 7.99

Caramelized grilled cheese with shredded American and smoked Gouda cheese on sourdough bread, cursed with garlic butter and parmesan cheese

Add ham or bacon 9.99

Add bacon???? Do you think we might have opted for this? Hell yes! In fact, I'm going to start a gofundme to cover the cost of starting a petition to have "Add bacon" an option on all menu items.

Including bacon.

In fact, I have a great idea. Go to Magnolia's Veranda. Sit down. Be greeted by the Server that Calls me Sugar Baby. Order nothing.

Add bacon, $2.

Add back again. $2 more.

It could work!

The Four Queens has undergone a re-arrangement of the floor. There is good news and bad news.

Sugar Baby and Big Money Haircut

Funkhouser is in town, so we got together to do a night of gambling, drinking, and some dinner downtown on my Four Queens comp dollars.

My personal seat at the Four Queens bar on Fremont Street.

We decided to meet at the Downtown Grand because he had some freeplay there. Sounded good to me, I've had great luck getting Aces at that bar, especially on freeplay.

We met up and to my surprise, I also had some free play - an earth shattering $5. I turned the same amount into over a grand last trip, so why not do that again?

Battle of the Downtown Deuces Titans - Part 2

After filling my triangular stomach with a perfectly fitting slice, I got my hypotenass back to the Deuces machine.

It's very popular and there are often people sitting on it for hours at a time (the machine, not my stomach). I fully expected to have to fight a rubby for it, but I've risked a good verbal assault before for this machine and I'll do it again.

I put in what would be my fourth $20 bill and got busy. It didn't go so well.

But it's still fun playing the beat up old upright. The original curvy CRT has long been replaced with a dodgy out of focus flat screen. The flat screen moves significantly if you jab it trying to do touch screen moves (which I did) but it doesn't support touch screen.

In fact the screen is hanging loose, and when people walk around or trucks go by, it jiggles while you are trying to play.

Battle of the Downtown Deuces Titans

It's a beautiful day here in downtown Las Vegas, about 90 degrees, more sunshine than any one man can roast his skin to a golden brown crisp with, hot and cold running cardboard sign people.

My bankroll for the day is not too healthy, so I thought I'd take a stroll down to the El Cortez and continue my quest to get four Deuces for $500. Or a Royal Flush for 4700 quarters.

Or both.

So I headed out, and on my way out of the California Hotel and Casino, there is a man struggling with a wheelchair.

He's not in it, he doesn't use it, he's just stuck in the doors with it.

So, being Politeness-pants, I help the guy out, hold one door, then back out holding the other for him. Between the two of us, we manage the task.

All of a sudden it dawns on me. I've been had.

Lost Weekend Las Vegas

I'm sitting here in Las Vegas. My ears are ringing. I have a little bit of a dry cough. My hand is a tad bit shaky as it reaches for a cardboard cup now half full of luke-warm tap water coffee from Mr. Takeout.

I thought it would be wise to have a coffee maker in my room, so they brought up Mr. Takeout. You've probably seen their ads.

"Mr. Takeout! Real take-out style coffee at home! Complete with flimsy cups, plastic lids with Spil-Prone(tm) technology, and a 30 day supply of non-edible creamer!"*

*Truck drivers with four day stubble and three smokes going at the same time not included.

But I'm thankful for Mr. Takeout - my head is starting to ache a little bit less.

It seems like a good idea to do some live dispatches from Las Vegas, but I won't be doing a chronological blow by blow meal by meal victory by victory whine by whine winner loser all singing all dancing trip report.

Instead, I'm going to try something a little different and post the good parts. They may not be in the order things happened, but what the heck. It might be fun.

So I'm sitting here with my Mr. Takeout coffee trying to make sense of it.

It's a good thing I'm well provisioned with Mr. Takeout coffee supplies.

Mr. Takeout in room coffee maker. Think they overdid it?....

More Vegas Pics of the Day

Royal Flushers Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 14, 2017 - Bellagio Fountains

It's hard to believe that it's almost 20 years since Bellagio opened.

The latest in a string of Steve Wynn casino hotel development successes at the time (culminating in Wynn/Encore), Steve proved that he was no longer a little squirt.

Update, June 2018 - the previous comment proved remarkably prescient, considering what happened to Steve Dangleshorts in the interim.

Royal Flushers Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 13, 2017 - Vintage Ballys

As we move more into the 'monetize every square inch, squeeze every last dollar' era, I am glad I got to see Vegas when it still had time for whimsy and people-movers as long as a football field.

Guess which casino? No, c'mon, guess...

This was the entrance to Ballys (or Ball s, on a bad neon day). The front door was a good block off the strip.

So, you'd get on a couple of these slideways and sashay your way into heaven.

The columns... I don't know what they were supposed to be.

Maybe nothing.

But they changed color, all on their own, constantly evolving to different hues. I think they are just part of what they used to call 'design'.

There's not enough whimsy in today's Vegas, and way too much CVS.

The space you see above is now some stupid tourist trap marketplace. You can probably find some food and beverage 'concepts' there too.

Royal Flushers Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 12, 2017 - Royal Flush

I still remember getting this Royal Flush at the Four Queens. There were eight uprights next to the Keno lounge and security desk that all had full pay Bonus Poker from quarter to dollar denoms.

We played those for hours and hours.

Royal Flushers Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 11, 2017

Spontaneous tributes to heroic firefighters from this horrific day were placed at NYNY. Shirts bearing firefighter company insignias came from all across North America.

Those that fell will not be forgotten.

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 10, 2017 - Drink O'Clock

This kind of says it all. Nothing like the 10:45am heart starter.

It's not that unusual here - Vegas is often (ahem) a place of excess.

If you do this every day, you have a problem. You need to set your watch ahead.

Cheers!

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 9, 2017 - Royal Flusher Dressing

Las Vegas is a great place to have fun and screw around with people.

Like this nice guy at the Main Street Station buffet.

I told him that there was a new salad dressing being added to the buffet and he dutifully took care of the signage.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the Royal Flusher dressing.

So, the next time you are at the buffet, keep an eye out for the delicious Royal Flusher salad dressing!

It's creamy smooth, spicy hot, and light as air.

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 8, 2017 - Westward Ho Hot Pool Action

The Westward Ho had 777 rooms.

And I stayed in one of 'em. It was a low rollers paradise and it's hard to believe it's been gone for over ten years.

I even used this pool with the incredible view of the fabulous Las Vegas Circus Circus!

Classy?

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 7, 2017 - El Cortez Neon

Dating back to 1941, the El Cortez is a cornerstone of modern gambling in Las Vegas. It almost predates the Strip for cryin' out loud. The first Strip casino was arguably the El Rancho Vegas, which opened arguably on April 3, 1941, with the ElCo following arguably in November.

Flushy doesn't like to argue, so we'll leave it that the place is fucking old.

I love that the facade resembles how like looked back then, including the great neon sign design.

I also love the fact that the original rooms, on the second floor above the casino at the front of the building, are still in operation.

You can book 'em and stay in 'em.

I defy you to find a room in Vegas that has a shorter distance from the crapper to the craps table.

And actually, I think some of the original 1941 gamblers are still in the building, just one pull away from hitting 'the big one'.

I caught this great view when staying in the pavilion rooms at the El Cortez, which are in the parking garage.

Stay at the 'Tez, it's what everyone Sez. 

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 6, 2017 - Red Rock Canyon

September can be a time of renewal, a time of new adventures, and a time of letting go as young ones become older ones and move on with their lives, perhaps to some distant school.

When I spotted this little fella at the Red Rock Canyon Visitor's Center, I had to get his photo.

It was as if he was standing in the safety of a protected structure, but with the world at his feet when he was ready to turn and look, and take those first careful steps gingerly into his life's adventure.

Turn around and you're two, turn around and you're four, turn around and you've beat the spread.

Or, he might have tumbled headlong down the stairs and ended up dealing quarter roulette at a seedy North Vegas casino.

But it's still a nice picture.

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 5, 2017 - Angels Hold the Dice

Main Street Station isn't just a hotel, it isn't just a casino... it's a museum!

There are all kinds of antiques and objets d'art (which is a snooty way of saying 'art objects', although I'm not sure exactly to what art is objecting) including stained glass, furniture, paintings, chandeliers, sculptures (and, until recently, rail cars).

And that includes this beauty who might kind of go unnoticed, other than it being a nice lookin' dame with a stone firm rack.

But look closer and you'll see that this lady is ready to be lucky with the biggest dice you've ever seen.

Yes, she's interested in throwing the bones.

Throw her a word or two and she might throw you a bone - luck at the craps tables.

Take a closer look.

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 4, 2017 - Olive Me

Las Vegas hospitality is like no other.

For example, when you ask for extra olives, look what happens.

Or, at least, what used to happen back when The D was Fitzgerald's.

Don't get too hung up on the demise of the old Fitzgerald's name - it lives on elsewhere in the country. And nobody sheds a tear for the Sundance name, now, do they.

Cause that's what Fitzgerald's was called before it was Fitzgerald's.

Vegas is sure good at reinventing itself just when things are the way I like it.

Check out The Sundancer here.

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 3, 2017 - Sorting Cards

When you think of Vegas, do you think of slot machines, dice, or cards?

When it comes to the beginnings of gambling, which one is more epic-vintage-sick? Well, slot machines are out. They're an invention of the last 100 years or so.

You'd think that blackjack is the seminal card game from early Vegas - but it was probably initially not as popular as Faro.

But dice, in one form or another, are the oldest gambling apparatus of all (if you don't count marriage).

Back in the day of the original Caesar's Palace (this time with the apostrophe) and as long ago as 4000 years earlier, they'd throw animal knuckles around, because they were somewhat cube-like. Pit bosses weren't as anal when the knuckles went off the table.

Blackjack caught on bigtime in Vegas and eradicated Faro. Honestly, when was the last time you saw a good, honest Faro layout offered in Vegas?

And with blackjack comes cards. Decks and decks of them. Cases of them. Millions of them. They get used for an hour or two or six, and then...

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 2, 2017 - Hard Rock Hotel Sign

Even if you don't gamble, even if you don't party, even if you don't stay in hotels... the Hard Rock Hotel is still worth a visit, just to see all the great memorabilia inside, plus a gigantic Fender Stratocaster.

(There's also a giant Gibson Les Paul across the way at the restaurant... but we won't hold that against them. Apologies to the Gibson fans I've just alienated.)

In natural finish, rosewood fingerboard, white pickguard, both righty and lefty, depending on how you view it - but I digress.

Pair that with the glamorous sexiness of today's knees-in-the-mouth jets landing just a few hundred yards away, and by God, you've got a noisy, screaming, cramped up winner!

The stuff I loved most included Hendrix' clothes, and Prince's, and a signed Bruce Tele. Not the Esquire, that would just be too much.

I haven't been back in a while to see if the outstandingly cool decorations like the sax chandelier pictured below are still intact since the expansion and re-do of the casino a few years ago... but I hope so, because everyone loves the Pink Taco.

Royal Flusher's Daily Vegas Pic - Sept 1, 2017 - Presidential Limo

Want to feel like a big shot? Want a comfy ride to your hotel after a gruelling flight to Las Vegas?

Order yourself up a limousine!

Guess who this guy was waiting for?... They use those fancy eee-lectronical tablets for this now.

Your driver will meet you in the terminal, and help you with your luggage. This one time, we had a driver who was on his second week of being a limo driver. He bravely took on two huge suitcases and a carryon and headed for the down escalator.

Getting on, one of the big suitcases took a dive off the step, and twisted. So this poor guy was desperately trying to twist, lift, and right the huge bag full of jars of jam and gold bars - before he hit the bottom of the ride.

He made it, but just barely.

Outside the terminal, you climb into a stretch limo and then, basically, pretend you are a rock star.

Unless you actually are a rock star, I suppose. Then, you pretend you are Royal Flusher.

If you have some vital supplies you need to pick up (say, a case of Red Bull, or maybe all of aisle 3 at Lee's Discount Liquor), your driver will be more than happy to make a stop or two wherever you want.

Just remember to take care of your friendly limo driver. Know what I mean?