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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Vegas - The Last Day of the Final Gambling Conflict

Last day in Vegas and I have unfinished business. I like to try to tick all the boxes, and I've got the most important things - the Royal, and a winning trip (unless I fuck up severely today). But haven't hit the Aces with kicker on DDB and no deuces either.

Kept my stake to $140, what I had left from yesterday. I want to take home at least $1000 in winnings this time.

Headed down to the casino and first order of business, extended my room by one more night since I have a red-eye out of town at 11:30pm. It can be quite a long haul when you have to be out of your room in the early afternoon. Anyway, it was only $24 so deal done.

Hit the Bonus Poker and played about 400 hands with no quads. Lost 40. Lost 20 on Jacks. Hit the bar DDB, my usual panic chase go-to game. I was down to about $60 in my wallet when, once again, it coughed up. Quad fours for $104. So I'm looking okay at that point.


Dumped the obligatory $21 into Megabucks (another unticked box on my list, winning Megabucks). Hit the Bonus Poker again and dumped $20 in just 30 hands. The last day of the trip always seems to be like this.

On my last five credits though, I hit quad Queens for $31.

And then I proceeded to dump another $60 into the stupid game.

Scooted over to the Golden Nugget (bastards) and tried 20 in Bonus Poker there. It lasted 20 minutes. Which was no fun, because the 108 year old 60 pound great great grandmother was chain smoking and hacking bits of lung up. Well not really, but it sounded awful. I felt bad for her because that lifetime of smoking is definitely going to be the end of her. She looked rough and sounded worse.

So now, I'm grasping at straws to get more budget for the day without touching my winnings. That means collecting all $6 in cashback from the Nugget. I immediately dump $5 of this at Binions, and play the dollar left over, plus four quarters in change, on a Keno ticket. Two games, a dollar each. I don't win. In fact, In only get one number to match at all.

On to Main Street Station where I try Loose Deuces, with that juicy $750 premium on the deuces, which I have never, ever hit. Oh what great blog reading that would make, I think as I play away. Instead, I hit four Kings (and a deuce) for $15. Very annoying, but I'll take it, and the $2 scratch card too.

I go to check on my cashback, but there is none, I burned all my points on meals and coffees. So much for that.

At this point, I'm down $120 on the day and I'm depressed. I hate the long trip ahead of me, I hate that its over, and I hate that the sweetness and wonder of winning has been replaced with the bitterness and non-wonder of losing. Why can't I just see the bright side, and be happy that I'm up?

Because I gamble, that's why.

I want to win every time, all the time, and if I don't win, I figure something is wrong.

This is why I spend most of my gambling time in a state of disappoinment and frustration, and why I scream like a 3 year old when I hit ANYTHING.

I giggle a little bit too.

Anyway, the solution to running out of gambling budget is, of course, to go shopping. But first, lunch. I had $3.83 comp dollars on my Binions card, so I saddled up at the counter and wolfed down a cheeseburger. I grabbed the WAX with exactly 30 seconds to spare, and rode out to the Premium Outlets and wandered around. The weather was again stunning so it was actually pretty good to be outside.

I found three pairs of shoes to buy. Maybe I could become a shopoholic if this keeps up.

Getting the bus back I scored again, with only a 3 minute wait.

Ladies, guys care about this stuff. We want to minimize waiting times to razor thing margins. We just do. I mean, there's nothing more gratifying than strolling out of Binions, with cheeseburger breath, practically still chewing, and just walk right onto the bus you planned to take and watched the clock for.

Back at the Queen's I lost my last $20 of stake at the bar.

Showing great restraint, I started to pull 20 after 20 from outside my stake and jam them down the throat of the goddamned bartop video poker machine.

That's right.

I broke my own rule and dipped perilously close to the $1000 goal. I just thought I could pull off some miracle that would read really well in the blog, like getting the Aces with kicker or a second royal. And indeed all of a sudden, I was dealt four to a royal in diamonds.

And indeed, all of a sudden, I drew the fifth card which was the seven of hearts.

Thud.

Blew through $80 and walked away. Went upstairs, showered, took an inordinate amount of time to pack, and decided to have prime rib at the Cal. But first, I stopped off at the slot club and set up my cashback.

I had $37 dollars coming! Sweet! A breath of life.

Got it and walked to the California.

I ate at the counter at the Cal coffee shop and as usual, the prime rib was excellent. It's a great value. Grabbed a bottle of hooch, because I couldn't guarantee that Duty Free would be open when I landed in Chicago at 5:00am (oh God).

Stopped off at my old friend, dollar Treasure Chest. Slipped in a 20 and got a bunch of hands. Cashed out 50. That was 30 profit to add to my cashback stake!

At this point, I had increased my stake to $220 for the day, of which I now had $70.

Back to the Four Queens for one last bash at it.

I hit up the 50 cent Jacks. And $20 went in less than a minute.

Switched to quarters, to be conservative, and put in a second 20. I won nothing. NOTHING on that 20. As in no wins whatsoever. As in every hand a loser. Gone.

Back to the bar.

Another 20. Another 4 to a royal. Gone in a few minutes. I was so pissed I didn't even bother with the last $10. I just went upstairs, grabbed my stuff, and headed for the bus stop.

The WAX came on time and took just under 30 minutes to drop me at Level 0 (which was where I belonged, gambling wise) at the airport. Good deal for $2. Screw you, tunneling cabbies.

Got checked in, flight is full, and United keeps trying to sell extra legroom seats for an additional $50 each. Sorry, I just won't play that game. It's only 3 1/2 hours, I'll suck it up and keep my dough.

Mrs. Flusher and I have had a tremendous streak of luck at McCarran, as readers of this blog will have noted.

I sat down, head cleared after having been out of the gambling business for at least 2 hours and 9 minutes.

Put in my actual, real, last $10 that I was going to gamble on this trip. Selected Triple Double Bonus Poker Plus.

Played 6 hands.

On hand number 7, held two threes.

And laughed.


Final tally, down (only!!!!!!!!!) $70 on the day, up $1095 on the trip.

It was a great one, really really great, I feel super fortunate and lucky. I had more winning this trip than probably ever. And I am also really glad to have been able to share it with readers of the blog.

Until next trip, that's Vegas... the Royal Flusher Way.




Monday, March 14, 2011

Double Double, Vegas Trouble

I'm kind of tired of casino coffee so I meandered down to Starbucks at the Golden Nugget for a tall vanilly lattay granday mochay javachino frappay with an extra shot of espresso, eh. About five bucks for the brew.

Stopped in at the Bonus Poker at GN just to try to take those bastards for a third (lifetime)royal. I really wish they would respect my business and send me some free room offers like they used to. Golden bastards.

Dumped 20 there, and started my morning play at the Fork Weens. Dumped 40 on BP, and another 40 on DDB. Was dealt 4 to a Royal again, but nope.

I had a five dollar chip left from last night so I played it on Mrs. Flushers anniversary, which also coincides with mine, coincidentally. We both lost.

My wallet was empty, having been voided of last night's remaining stake. This meant I had to go to the Flusher Vault, which is accessed through my room. A series of keycodes take you through smaller and tougher doorways. The last keycode disables the laser system and a non-copyable physical key, permanently grafted to my person, opens the access panel for the actual safe itself. Once open, I pushed aside my iPod, assortment of pornslapper cards from the strip, and a pair of dirty foam earplugs, and retrieved two crisp one hundred dollar bills from one of the stacks which I keep at the back of the compartment.

The locking process completed, showered, changed, and proceeded to the tournament in the casino. My stake was $305 for the day, with one third of it gone already.

I really played hard and made few mistakes, but I'm sorry to say that I did not achieve any quads in the tournament. And by the way, it was Double Bonus not DDB. That means no Aces with kicker (or any other kicker quads) can be got. So the two quads I got counted for a lot, and I figured I needed one more to get into the money.

One person had got a royal so I figured they'd win. In fact, I was dealt four to a royal, but did not achieve royalness. Not very savvy gamblestering, that.

Anyway, attentive readsters will recall my score yesterday was a healthy 1800 and change. Today I managed only 1190. Grand total, 2995.

I would have to wait until the tournament ended to see if I won any cash or not.

I was feeling kind of down about things so had country fried steak and eggs with country throwup on. That always cheers me up.

Then I lost 20 in Bonus Deluxe and 60 in DDB. That always pisses me off.

The day was wearing on and still I had not had any quads at all. And that, my friends, can eat away your budget big time and fast time.

The best thing to do, for me, is forget about building my points at the place I'm staying, and shop around some. Do a casino walkabout. Get 7 seconds of fresh air walking from one casino to another.

I found myself in Binions. Dumped 20.

Now I'm down 200 for the day, and have 100 to go.

Check out Vegas Club. They have signage up that says they've loosened slots by 40%, including video poker. And indeed, I easily found full pay Bonus, full pay Jacks, and full pay Double Double on some machines.


Naturally, I chose to play short pay Super Double Double Bonus.

Why?

Because I am an ass, and I am chasing. I'm desperate, okay? I've been a winner and I like it, and a loser and I hate it. And I want to be a winner again soooooooo badly!

Well, I held 3 Jacks and got the fourth for $62.50. At last!



Put 20 in cashed 70 out. I was back on track, for now.

I figured this was the time not to hammer machines for long periods, but to take small wins and try to build my stake up.

Headed for the Golden Gate, walking extremely extremely slowly past the sexy bikini bar girls outside the casino.

About 15 to 20 minutes later, actually entered the Golden Gate.

Bought in at craps for a paltry $20 and cashed out minutes later for a slightly less paltry $41. Another win!

Played 5 bucks on some slot at the Golden Nugget (bastards!) and doubled it. Played that into Bonus Deluxe but lost it.

At this point I was down 109 on the day. It was time to perform a mission that Mrs. Flusher had assigned me but first I had to make a quick stop in the room for some errr reading. Quickly went back down to the casino and plunked $20 on 9 on roulette, straight up.

It came in looking like a 23 (damn you Ron Lancaster!) instead of a 9. Some guy pipes up that 9 rolled twice in the last 3 minutes. I know you know what I'm thinking, reader. And I know that you know.

Back to the bar and time to light up the Jack Daniels candle at both ends. $20 in, DDB, and gone in 36 hands. What the hell????!!!!!

At least the drinks are coming fast. The barkeep starts serving doubles, and without me asking for refills.

And finally, I hit quad 9s for $62 and one minute later, quad deuces for $108!!! It's weird how these things clump together.

Here's the 'Flusher's Eye View' of the deuces from the FlusherCam:



Here's the sober view.




I started to feel invincible. At this point, I was only down a paltry 20 bucks on the day!!!! I cashed out my ticket for $180 and regroup, putting in a 20 so as to not play down my winnings for once.

The Aces with kicker are fat at over $600 on the meter. And I haven't hit them all trip. Haven't hit a straight flush either, for that matter.

The 20 goes.

Put in a 20, as to not play down my winnings for once. I lose it. I drink more.

Put in a 20, as to not play down my winnings for once. I lose it too. I drink more.

Put in a 20, as to not play down my winnings for once. I lose it too. I drink even more.

It's okay though, I have a $180 ticket in my wallet, right?

Check out the tournament results. The first 12 people win cash.

I placed 15th.

Missed cash by 3 lousy spots. One more quad indeed would have done it. The royal would have made me the winner. Would have. Should have. Didn't. Damn it.

Fine, over to Fremont to play some $3 craps, except there aren't any. It's been $5 all weekend. In fact, downtown has looked quite healthy this weekend.

Dump 20 in Pick'em. Dump 20 in Bonus Deluxe.

Stumble out and decided that the Fitz bar would be a good idea. We've seen high progressives on the straight flush there before. And indeed, it is at $120, which is about double normal. I shoved in a 20 and started playing. Shoved in another 20 and kept playing.

The lady next to me got it.

Then I noticed that the value of a non-premium quad (5s through Ks) is also double normal, at $72. I pounded for that, putting in a third (losing) 20.

Nope.

I stumbled around and happened to notice a bank of nice old slant tops with a $1550 royal progressive. So I plunked down and lost 40 at that.

I weaved back to the Fork Weens and tried the simplest safest most sure fire beginners game of all video poker - quarter Jacks or Better. I lost 20 almost immediatly.

At this point, I was seriously considering going to Walgreens and buying a picture puzzle of Las Vegas, and sitting in my room and making the puzzle to pass the time.



Instead, I went (where else) to the bar. Double Double Bonus. At this point, I feel sick. I redeemed myself, now I am screwed, my day is lost, I'll have to admit it to everyone, and I'll be a loser.

So I keep playing.

Shoved in a 20.

Shoved in another 20.

At that point, I was pathetically down to only $40 in my wallet left for the day. It looked like I was going to crash and burn.

But I did think in my head, "keep plugging, just keep plugging, good things can happen". Needless to say, I was playing very carefully, considering the libations I'd enjoyed.

After a good number of hands, about 240, I held three 9s and bagged the forth. $62 win. Faint hope.

And then, only six hands later, this little beauty made my entire fucking day.


The meter on that one was up to $280. Now, I have seen too many streaks not to believe in them and I always play a few more hands after a win, just in case. And no kidding, FOUR hands later, look at this.



Holy mackerel!!!!! I was up on the day!!! I was a WINNER again!!! (Ergo, I was not a loser!!!!!) I had $442, that means I'm up $137 for the day!

Played 5 or 6 more hands and cashed out for a cool $400.25

Dinner time! Had the rib special at Magnolias. I won't harp on what happened but the rude waitress got stiffed by me. (Not in the good way). I don't take to rude waitresses very well. But she was rude. Very very rude. Her rudeness was evident and on rude display. Her name was Rudy.

Decided to have one more little kick at the can, reserving 100 in profits for the day.

Long story short, lost 20 on DDB, then got on a good run on deuces cashing out 50 from 20.

Net net net net net I have $450 - winnings of $145 on the day, $1165 on the trip.

Tonight I am happy.




Sunday, March 13, 2011

As the Tournament Tourns

Started out strongly this morning with a couple of quads on Bonus Poker while I had a couple of coffees. Its funny how anal some video poker players are - there were people lined up to register for the tournament at the Four Queens a full hour ahead. Just standing there in front of the elevator that goes up to the so called Royal Pavillion.

The R.P. is in fact, a huge rec room above the casino. We were herded in there in small groups, one elevator load at a time. Once upstairs we picked up our playing times and the tournament gift - a safari shirt. I am going to look very spiffy in this as I go hunting in the Canadian savannah for... what, bargains at Costco?

They fed us 'breakfast' as part of the registration process. It was, well, on par with a cheap buffet I guess. Great if you like donuts, but the hot dishes were... not so.

I choked down an hour old omelette and a couple of salty sausages, and some taters with peppers in. Skipped the donuts.

I planned out my tournament strategy and got there a bit early. I watched one of the player's screens and rehearsed in my mind what I would hold. Soon it was my turn, along with 11 other folks. You play Double Double Bonus as fast as you can for 10 minutes. The machine adds up how many credits you win. It doesn't count up like usual, it just beeps once for a win.

I thought I played pretty well. Made a few obvious mistakes but I hit quad 3s pretty early on for 400 points, and 2/3 the way through hit quad 4s with a kicker for 800. Didn't even get a sniff at the Aces. To win this tournament you pretty much have to pop a royal or hit the aces with kicker a couple of times.

My score was good - surprisingly good, at 1805 points. I checked around and the nearest to me in my group got 1500. I was easily the top score in my group. I watched the next group of 12 and my score beat all of theirs as well. So I figure I am probably in not in the top 3 - but in the second tier. Maybe in the top 20 or so out of 250?

You need to be in the top 12 to cash in this tournament, so I need to have a really good run tomorrow. If I hit the Aces with kicker, I probably have a chance to get some cash out of this. If I hit a royal tomorrow, I could win it. And top prize is nothing to sneeze at - $4500!!

Was super jazzed from the adrenalin of the tournament so I used that as an excuse to hit the DDB at the bar. I hit quad Kings from two for $62. Had a nice conversation with an elderly woman who has still got it. She was playing deuces and had all kinds of interesting stories to tell. Like when they used to drive to Vegas from California, they'd stop at Victorville where the Hacienda had some girls in a convertible, promoting the casino and handing out coupons. You'd take the coupon in and they'd give you $10 for the room for one night. They gave it in cash!

Took a walk to the ElCo and played $25 in freeplay. Got nothing out of it though. Bought in for 20 at the $3 craps table, hit a run, and tripled my stake. Nice to finally cash out something positive instead of winning and playing it all back.

Was hungry and had my free meat coupon, so I hit the Fitz and ordered the 25 minute fried chicken. While it was frying in delicious grease that would minutes later coagulate in my heart and arteries, I played some Bonus Poker. Dropped 40 bucks there.

My free chicken.
After getting killed the day before I was taking it a bit easier, trying to preserve my stake, which I had pegged at $300 for the day, and not a penny more.

Tried Bonus Deluxe for 20, no $100 quads today.

Tried the NSUD Deuces and played for a long while and... cashed out even! Sort of a win! Well, more like not a loss.

Took a rest and went back down to try BP in which I made $20. Then back to the Jack Daniels, I mean the DDB at the bar. Weirdly, I hit quad 6s twice in 3 minutes for $62 each.

I played for about 5 Jacks on the rocks (1 hour) and actually cashed a winning ticket out. At this point I was only down $100 for the day.

Bought in at the craps table for a hundy. Limit was $5. The table was weird. I'd go down, I'd go up, I'd go down again... never down enough to quit, never up enough to quit a winner. After an hour or so things took a turn and I quit with $30 left, so a $-70 excursion.

By this time it was gettin' late. Bought in at Jacks for $10 and hit quad 4s from 3 for $31. Where were those 4s when I was on DDB??? Tried to parlay it up by playing 50 cent Jacks and played it out.

Played my last 20 on Bonus Poker, got nothing. Decided to quit while I was not beaten too badly. Grabbed chicken fried steak and eggs at Magnolia's and retired, down $195 for the day.

Not too bad for a full day's entertainment, but not what I wanted, obviously. I was pretty chuffed about the tournament though, and maybe I can pull it off tomorrow.

Went to sleep up $1005 on the trip. My lead is quickly eroding and I really want to take home some cash from all my hits earlier this week.




Saturday, March 12, 2011

Cosmopolitan

Decided to start off another fine day in Vegas with $50 in freeplay I had coming to me. Played that on dollar Jacks but again, could not get a score on the freeplay. No worries, though. I'm hot, right?

Played some quarter Jacks and had a couple of coffees from the waitress. I recognize her from before, but not her chest. A little body work has been done. I hit quad 4s for $31, and then switched to 50-cent. Hit quad 4's again for $62. I ended up playing this down to zip.

Played another 20 and moved on the Deuces. I have yet to hit the damn deuces this trip. I have also yet to get a straight flush (not counting the royal). Dropped 10 in Deuces, 30 in BP. But not taking anything home.

I had played $1500 coin in and was down $60 for the day. That's a decent amount of action.

Had my usual Country Fried Steak and eggs (with Country Throwup on it). Hit the bar for some DDB and managed to hit four Kings from two for $62.

Guess what, I lost it back.

Lost 30 more in DDB, 10 in a slot, 20 in Bonus Deluxe. Switched to a different DDB machine and hit four 8s from 2 for $62.

Guess what, I lost it back. Took half an hour. I must be gettin' greedy or something.

Lost another 20 in Deuces.

I'd put $3000 coin-in by this time which should please the comp Gods.

Tried my $10 freeplay at the Fitz - guess what, could not get a score on the freeplay. WTF.

The weather was stunningly beautiful so I decided to hop the Westlake Airport Express (WAX - ugh) down to the strip and check out the Cosmopolitan. Checked the schedule online in my room and - the bus arrives in THREE MINUTES. I hauled ass downstairs, zipped through the casino, and got to the street in time to see the bus pull up. Perfect timing.

Two dollars and 25 minutes later I was getting of across the street from the MGM Green. What a sweet ride. Only two stops, most of the trip done on the I-15.

First stop, was of course, the Lion's Share slot, which is still un-won at over two million dollars.

The fact that you are reading this, means that I typed this, and that means I didn't win fuck all. (Or maybe that should I did win fuck all.) In any case, no I did not win over two million dollars.

Threw 20 in a dollar VP game trying to get something going. Nothing going.

Stopped by the Sigma Derby horserace game... I really wanted to play this but it was completely occupied by a bunch of folks who were having a lot more fun than I was.

I moved on.

Stopped in at the Tropicoconuticana. Holy crap they have the scent turned up full blast in that place. Why oh why hasn't Las Vegas learned the art of subtlety? Hmm, on the other hand, its Las Vegas.

Got a new players card and checked out their 'First $200 in losses are on us' promo. It's sort of bogus. You get half your money back the same day, but later that day after a cutoff, and the other half you get back a month later on the right day, late in the day, but before the cutoff, and you can pick it up before the end of a year on any day, except you don't get cash, you get Freeplay, and you know how good I am at Freeplay.

I played some weird slot I've never seen before just to break in the card. The place is looking good and aside from the stench of fake coconut, I'd stay there if they threw a deal at me. Anyway this slot was a variant on Wild Cherry. You play three coins but you get three spins. To make a long story short, my 20 bucks lasted forever (where forever == half an hour). If you want to play long and slow for little money, find this machine next to the dice pit.

Walked up to the Cosmopolitan, enjoying the sun and cool breeze of the day. I relished the fact that we'd had six inches of snow the day before in Flusherville.

I hated the walk to the Cosmo with the ridiculous cattle run around the Aria entrance, and going up and down stairs and whatnot. I learned the hard way to cut through the Crystal shops and not go down to the street. I bet the high end Crystal shop proprietors really appreciate the constant moving art parade of sweaty tourist in unpractical footware, heads down texting somebody and clutching a fistfull of pornslapper cards that never stops passing by their doors.

Anyhoo. The Cosmopolitan is quite spiffy. Lots of cool stuff to look at and lots of cool legitimate art.






Got a players card, and found a quiet alcove with a dollar VP machine in it. Slipped in a 20 and played some dollar Bonus. Had a beer. Lost the 20.

Then I decided, for some reason, to 'go for it' and impress the Cosmpolitan's player tracking computer system with my outstanding play. I committed a hundy and went on a quest for a big score on dollar play.

Guess what, I lost.

Then I lost $60 on quarter Bonus. Uh oh. I'd burned through about $250 with no return at all. And it was an hour and a half until the buffet opened. At least I had 3 beers.

My budget was pretty much shot for the day, so I wandered the place, taking some pictures, and garnering worried looks from single women who could tell I was pretty much the equivelant of a vagrant at that point.

Some foolish girls said to me, "Excuse me Mr. Flusher, but would you please take our picture below the Casino sign?"

I said, "Sure." and started shooting with my camera.



They took one of me.



Went up to the buffet and like a complete loser, stood in the line of 7 other people... waiting for it to open.

Let's just say that this buffet is really, really, really good. I love the little miniature serving dishes you get. The selection of stuff was really broad, and the desserts were great. Good table service too. They even changed out my napkin for me.



How many desserts is a 'sensible choice'? Why NINE is.
Finished gorging myself and walked back to the bus stop on Tropicana outside NYNY for the trip home.

Trip took 15 minutes and cost me all of two bucks. The WAX is WAXtastic!!! No more long-haul cab rides for me!

I had $100 in 'mad money' so I thought 'I'll just try one last 20 in the bartop DDB'. I lost that 20.

And then I lost another 20.

And then I lost another 20.

And then I lost another 20.

And then I lost another 20.

Luck has fled me today, and I finished down $520 for the day. Ouch.

But tomorrow is another day, and the start of the Video Poker tournament in which I'm entered. We'll see what happens.




Place Enticing and Witty Post Name Here

I'm having a good time on my own in Vegas. I do miss Mrs. Flusher, but having the blog means I get to at least tell somebody about my exploits.

There are a lot of good things about this trip. The weather is awesome. I'm up, way up on the gambling. And best of all, I haven't run out of clean underwear yet.

I bought a throwaway cell phone for $20 so I could keep in touch with home on this trip. Its a TracFone and its actually pretty nice, with lots of doodads and a camera and whatnot. It even has an alarm function that plays twinkly music with the sounds of loudly tweeting birds.

I needed to get up for the Grommet Symposium Cavalcade of Grommet Events so I used the alarm on the phone. I screwed it up though, and never did get it to go off at the right time.

So the other day, I'm in Main Street Station, gambling and drinking, and I've really, really got to go but I'm on a streak, so I try to hold it right? Never mess with a streak!!!


Finally it got to be too much, so I cashed out and made a beeline for the Men's room.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I grabbed the last available urinal, whipped out my slot handle, and started to, well, pee.

And that's the moment the alarm on my phone went off and the men's room was filled with the sound of chirping birds and twinkly music coming from my pants.

It went on.

And on.

And on.

And I kept peeing. And peeing. And birds kept chirping.

So, I said loudly, "I told you never to call me here!"

I couldn't stop myself from laughing, it was so ridiculous!





Friday, March 11, 2011

Naps and Craps

You see some strange things in Vegas...



Played for about 1 1/2 hours at the $3 table at the Fremont. At first the table was cold and my $100 buy-in dwindled to about 25 bucks. But the table turned around as more people arrived and I ended up coloring up $145. I had about $70 on the table at the time of the last seven out too. Things had been getting really hot and I'd just moved up to a $10 pass line bet with $20 behind the line.

I blew $25 on Bonus Deluxe and did an accounting - I was up $120 on the day. Not bad.

Took a nap and played some Freeplay on dollar DDB - but the $80 Freeplay yielded nothing. A shame. I then bellied up to the bar and started in on some Jack and cokes, and some shots of Jack, screw the cokes. The quads started to come and I just kept playing and playing.

At one point I was dealt the following, but alas, it was not to be.


On the right machine at the California, completing that sequential royal would be worth $25,000. I'm starting to think that that might just be possible.

Each time I hit a quad I kept playing. The credits would lower some and I'd hit another and be higher than before. I kept thinking of Joe Pesci getting the smuggled diamond's out of his wife's hair. "More... I know there's more in there..."



I rang that sucker up as high as 1200 credits and cashed out at 1001 - $250.

Dinner was at the Fremont buffet where I pigged out on prime rib. Had some pineapple for dessert that was really delicious.

Tried Treasure Chest for 20 (nothing) and a slot for 20 (nothing), then decided to pack it in after giving the Fitz meat machines a go.

I was only going to risk a 20. I played. And I played. And I played. No quad... I must have had a dozen 3-of-a-kinds but could not get it. All of a sudden, I guess the machine decided to have mercy on me and dealt me four Kings.



I got my quad and my coupon for FREE MEAT. I intend to use it for the fried chicken tomorrow.

How is it possible that the streak continues??? I finished up on the day $300. And the total for the trip is plus $1720. Can this possibly continue? Most trips I might have 2-3 winning days and 1 break even and the rest out of 10 or 12 are losers. This trip so far I've had three winning days and one basically break-even.

I'm loving it!




Lights Out at the Four Queens

Slept well at the Cal and headed down to Lappert's for a Latte. Grabbed a little Bonus Poker action and dropped 20 bucks.

Then over to Du-Pars for crackcakes. A short stack is very filling, not sure who could down 3 of these frisbee sized cakes. They were out of boysenberry syrup, which was a drag.

Then on to the Nugget to try to sting them for a third Royal as is my daily custom. They don't send me offers anymore and I would really like to take them for my 3rd lifetime Royal there. Especially since they shorted my favorite machine, on which I had 2 Royals.

Played for 40 mins on 40 bucks there but nothing to cash out.

Over to the Fremont, making my rounds. Pick'em -40. Boner Deluxe -40.

Can you see a trend here?

Back at the Cal, hit up the $1 Treasure Chest and finally got a quad on it. Picked the lowest possible treasure of course, $140. I decided to 'go for it' and played it all back.

So another 20 gone.

The streak is in trouble. I'm down 160 at this point and it's still morning.

Over to my comfy slant top Bonus Poker at MSS.

Hit the aces there for a cool hundy.


Also hit quad fives and then switched to 50 cent DDB. And lost. Not good.

Tried the Deuces on the wall by the buffet and had really good play, with three Wild Royals keeping me in credits.

I had played a long time and not seen a quad so I switched to DDB just in time.


Nice turnaround, at this point I was up $125 on the day.

Time to check out of the Cal and check in at the Four Queens. I packed my stuff, left the room and started to walk down the hall. I got a few steps and remembered (thank goodness) that I HADN'T CLEARED OUT THE SAFE.

Not what you could call the move of a Savvy Gamblester, that. More like a savvy DUMBASS.

Dragged my bags, all three of them to the Queens. (That's two suitcases, btw). Strangely, I ended up with the exact same room as last time. At least some of the hotel room scum embedded in the carpet is my own self-produced hotel room scum.

The Holy of Holy's is on special with players card at Magnolias - my favorite breakfast, the chicken fried steak and eggs - only $6.25!

I'd got my meal and had started eating when the power went completely out at the Four Queens. Dealers covered their racks of chips, any hands in play were cancelled. The whole place went black except for spotty emergency lighting. It was eerily silent.






I figured it would be a good idea to finish eating and then head over to the Fremont and risk a hundy at craps.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Bottle this day

Do you ever have dreams that you are in Vegas and you walk up to some slot and third pull you hit some crazy thing and it is ringing up credits forever and you look at the pay thingy to try to figure out how many quarters it is and you just keep winning?

The door prize for the keynote speech ("Why there are two 'm's in Grommet") at the Grommet Symposium was a gift bag containing a $15 Amazon.com gift certificate, a 'Magic Bullet' blender set, and a copy of our very own Harry Veeblefetzer's autobiography "Between a Sheet and a Hard Place - Harry Veeblefetzer, North American Veeblefetzer and the Modern Grommet Revolution".

Needless to say, I am glad I didn't win.

With the festivities wrapped up, I went back to my room at the Cal and completed the Grommet Product projections, including some nice little colorful graphs that showed grommet product charted against how much I hate my job (unlabeled). That should give the management 'team' something to ponder.

Went down to the coffee shop for the graveyard specials, but the kitchen was closed for cleaning. However there was a breakfast buffet.

The food was not only not good, it was actually disgusting. Nothing tasted good, everything was cold, some things tasted not good. I nibbled, complained, and bolted. Six bucks and probably three years off my life for that trough of pig feed.

I checked out the tournament scores from day one. Surprisingly, I was 30th out of 73 entrants with about 24,000 pernts. But the number one spot had 33,000 pernts. I was going to need a stellar effort if I was to get anything decent.

I was on time for round 3 and did okay, scoring about 12,000 pernts, but nothing like the 15K average the top place entrant had. I started to ponder how I could sabotage some machines.

Dumped $20 into White Hot Aces and $20 into Double Double Bonus (DDB). I decided to kind of go for it on DDB and slipped in a hundy.

I played, and played some more. No quads, and the credits dwindling down. I got down to about $25 worth of credits left and held a pair of threes.


Nice! I thought to myself 'KEEP GOING' and about 3 minutes later held a pair of Kings.


I cashed out and totaled up. I was up about $120 for the day. Things were looking up after a slow start.

Lunch was at the MSS Buffet - it was okay. I always try to find one dish that is fresh, hot, and good, and make a meal around it. Didn't find it today.

Back the room to ensure that the Grommet Production Projection spreadsheets were sufficiently baffling the pernty-heads back in Accounting at North American. Took a rest, and then it was almost time for the last round of the tourney.

Headed over and played a 20 in Bonus Poker. Broke even. Went and got my final machine number - #23 - Ron Lancaster's Number!!!!! This was either an omen or a curse, depending. Long time readers will recall the Curse of Ron Lancaster in a previous trip...

Anyway I still had about 13 or 14 minutes to kill so I wandered over to a slot machine that I like. It is right outside the wifi area at MSS - the first machine you see - it doesn't take pennies, and its loud. To me, this signals looseness, just like with barfly women.

I slipped in a lucky 20 and on pull three I watched three symbols pop up, and the noise started.


WOOOOT!!!!!!!

$300 Score!!!!

Cashed out after a few more pulls (just in case) and headed to my machine.

The last 20 minute session of the tournament started and I just killed it. I was hitting premium hits all over the place. I broke 10,000 pernts in the first 8 minutes. I actually had a chance. In the last 5 minutes I figured I needed 2 more top wins to take the tourney, but the chances on that were pretty slim.

And indeed, it didn't happen, but I finished with 16,635 points for a grand total of about 52K.

I took a rest and grabbed a shower, and played this and that. At this point I was way up on the day, about $420.

Dropped $20 in $1 Treasure Chest (no quads) and $20 in Diamond Head DDB. Funny the hands that pop up from time to time in Video Poker, like this little adrenalin starter:


Wandered over to check the Slot Tournament results.

The top 6 scores got decent prizes, up to $1500 for the winner. After that the next 24 got $50 each. I was pretty pleased to see that I'd finished 11th and had won $50.

If only I hadn't had that crappy 9K session, I would have been probably in the top 6. The winner had 60K, I had 52K. Sixth place had 54,500. One more hit of the three Kahunas for 4000 points and I would have been top six for sure.

I picked up my winnings - two green $25 checks. This is where things start to get a little fuzzy...

I figured a great thing to do would be to have a couple of High Roller Gold beers at the MSS bar and play bartop Jacks. Which I did. Dumped $80 in and had two beers, then played $20 in DDB. I'd had no quads yet in the session.

Switched to Bonus Deluxe and held two 4s. The other two popped up for a $100 hit.

And about a minute later, this nice dealt hand popped up for a second hundy.


I switched to Absolut on the rocks about this time. Classic degen move. Dumped a hundy into Bonus Poker, then went on a stupid, stupid excursion into triple play Super Times Pay. Dumped $60 in there and never got a multiplier. Dumbass!

Had a great run on Deuces, running $20 into $60 over about 45 minutes and three vodkas.

Dinner time! Prime rib special at the counter at the Cal. It's getting pricier these days, but still a good deal and a really good meal.

Tried $1 Treasure Chest again - dumped $60 and no quads.

Hit 50 cent Bonus at the Cal and nailed quad 8s for $62.50. Good, good...

I had about $85 on the machine and thought to myself. "I have enough to play some dollars now."


Man, what a day, I'm just cookin'!!!!

Decided to spend my $25 checks over at MSS and hit the $5 pitch blackjack game. Early on I got down to $10 left but clawed my way back. It was a great table, lots of jokes and laughter. I stayed for about two and a half hours, and about four more vodkas. I colored up $100, making a profit of $50 on the session.

By the time I weaved back to my room, I was dead tired and couldn't be happier. What a day!!!!

I was up $610 on the day, and a little over $1400 for the trip.

Bottle this day, and replay it forever, it just doesn't get much better.




Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Main Street Station Slot Tournament

First round of the slot tournament went pretty well. I nailed the top win (three Kahunas) once and scored about 14,000 points. If only real slots played that way.

Dragged my luggage back to my room at the Cal and settled in. I had to update some Size 8 Grommet production forecasts for the boss back at North American Veeblefetzer HQ. What a great way to spend time in Vegas - pushing digits around in Excel. I do like that I get to do this sort of work on a quarterly basis - it beats risking having your hands crushed to a pulp on a daily basis on the line.

Every day you come home another day older and deeper in debt and smelling like raw grommet paste.

Dropped downstairs for some steak (whinney) and eggs (cackle). It was what it was. And maybe the steak wasn't what it should be.

Hit a great little run on dollar Treasure Chest - half an hour pounding away. But never got a quad. Great to rack up points though. Even had 4 to a Royal once... that's always a heart starter.


I mosied here and there, playing here and there killing time until my 4:00 second tournament session. Wandered around, having some drinks, losing a 20 here, another there.

After much time had passed, I remembered. The tournament.

Looked at my watch...

Eight minutes after.

AFTER FIVE!

SHIT!

I hauled ass to the tournament area. Everyone was sitting at their machines, pounding away - except me. I went and pleaded my case at the desk. They said, "Just find a machine and go! GO!"

I did, and started to pound the buttons. What an ass-cluster-move.

Definitely NOT the way a savvy gamblester plays a tournament. I ended up with a lousy score of only 9,000 points. Not even close to my first session.

After, I hit up Triple Double Bonus and had an interesting hand...

Dealt 3 2 3 3 A. Four 3s with kicker pays 2000 coins while four 3s without pays 400.

I love this play. The right move, over time, that a savvy gamblester would make, is to hold the three 3s and the kicker. Because over time, you'll win more this way than you would taking the safer but lower paying hand.

Do you have the balls to keep the kicker and have a one in 48 shot at $500 instead of a one in 23 shot at $100?

Lesson learned.
After that things started to get ugly. I kept drinking and that helped somewhat.

I bought in for a hundy at the craps table. Worst session EVER.

I won a pass line bet ($5) and a placed 6 ($7) and that was it. My hundred was gone in about 6 minutes. As I was walking away they said, "Hey sir, this is yours." They pointed to a red in front of my spot. I have no idea what it was for but plunked it on the pass line. Gone. Couldn't catch a break in that session.

On to Deuces.

Where I proceeded, once again, to get natural quad 4s for $5. (And a two dollar scratch card.)

The Absolut kept coming, and I headed over to another machine and committed a hundy to Double Double Bonus in quarters. I played, and down it went. I meant to cash out sorta, but also sorta knew I would play it into the ground.

I actually bounced off the bottom with a couple of Lazaruses.

Got back up from 0 credits both times. Caught a full house and then built up maybe 70 or 80 credits. I'd been playing a while and I could just feel it coming.

So I switched to 50 cent play.

And nailed quad fives for $125. (Sorry, no pic. Drunk.)

I played something else and took a break. It was not good I was down about $250 on the day and had $100 to last me all evening.

Yeah right.

But I had a plan!

I'd go over to the Fremont and play the full-pay Pick'em with my last 20s.

Something shiny sidetracked me. And that's how I came to find myself putting the second of my five last 20s into a Double Double Bonus machine - not into Pick'em at the Fremont. I played it down to 10 credits left.



Note that I got the kicker, too, for a cool $200. Now we're gambling!

Over to the Fremont, skipped the American Pie lightshow.

Dumped $40 into Pick'em - nothing.

Took a flyer on Bonus Deluxe.


Ate a somewhat good Philly Cheesesteak to absorb some of the vodka at Binions. Swiped my card - free drink. Woot.

Back to MSS and the 20s were going in one after another, not getting much back.

I was getting really tired and committed one more chaser 20 on Super Double Double Mega Ultra Wanker Bonus Plus.

Played it down, had that sad feeling with 5 credits to go. Knew that would be my last hand of the day.

Held a couple of twos.

Hit the draw button and...


Note that there are exactly 400 credits there.

I got my scratch card and cashed out.

Result for the day - loss of twenty five bucks.

So I'm still up on the trip $800 plus beans. Go me!!!!!




Do the Elco Shuffle

Tuesday I awoke early. I didn't sleep that well and everytime I woke up, I remembered the Royal and smiled.

Breakfast was a couple of bananas, since I was in a Banana Suite. I had some yogurt and a Starbucks double shot as well.

I had some symposium events to attend in the morning and it was hard to find time to squeeze in any gambling. The best part of the morning was having a chance to vote on Miss Grommet 2011. It was hard to choose between Brindle Sagbotham and Oxuna Rudenheimer - they were both so lovely! In the end, I threw my support to Oxuna Rudenheimer, partly due to her support of a slightly darker shade of black as an ISO standard choice for Size 7 and Size 8 grommets.

After the symposium commitments I rushed back to the El Cortez. I had to pack, do a few other things, and get over to the California, dump my bags, and get to Main Street Station for the first slot tournament session, and I had an hour to do it.

So, I hit the machines. And quickly dumped about 80 bucks and got nothing back. I went to see the little man in the little booth in the slot club about comping my room but he said no.

Apparently you need 2000 coin in per day for a room comp and I had 3000 total. Stinging them for $1175 was probably also a factor. I'm okay with that.

By the time I got back to the room it was 25 minutes till tournament time. Shit! I hauled ass downstairs, got checked out, and went out to grab a cab to the Cal.

None. Valet called, desk called, no cabs.

I had 15 minutes to get to the Cal, dump my bags in the room and haul ass to MSS. I didn't see how I could make it.

Just then, the ElCo's limo driver, Mark, waved me over. What a solid, ace move. He loaded me up and drove me down the street. I opted to go directly to MSS.

We got there with about 10 minutes to spare. I slipped Mark the green handshake, and hauled my luggage straight to the Big Kahuna slot tournament venue.




Tuesday, March 8, 2011

They Call Me Royal Flusher

On my way out of the El Cortez Banana Suites, I said hello to the woman at the desk.

"Wish me luck. I need it."

She did.

I decided to hit one of the few remaining Downtown Deuces after having had some luck with these at the Vegas Club before they pulled them.

They feature 2000 quarters for the deuces and 4700 quarters for a royal flush(er).

I sat down and played a 20. Nothing much.

Played a second 20 and got on a good run. Ordered a drink. Played some more. Ordered a second drink. Played some more.

Then my 20 ran out.

So I thought, well, I might as well keep playing till my drink arrives. So I popped in some more money and that was gone in a flash.

And my damn drink still hadn't arrived.

I knew I was pouring bad money after bad now, but stupidly I put yet another 20 in the machine and plunked away. My drink finally arrived and a few minutes later, this happened.




Held three and the other two popped up for a cool $1175! I was paid very quickly and tipped the attendant a 10-spot. I also got a voucher for either a box of candy, or a freeplay voucher.

I kept playing, and in the normal tradition got four Aces with a kicker on the Deuces machine. I guess I can't complain. But why won't they appear on Double Double Bonus like they are supposed to?

Ying Yang, Wing Wang I guess. Karma, Dogma.

Ordered a double Absolut on the rocks and it arrived about the time my credits ran out.

Headed over to the booth and took a freeplay envelope out of the drum - $10. WOOT.

Played about 1/2 an hour on dime multi-strike but no quads. It was a blast though.

Tried a dollar slot (-20) and then had fajitas at Cafe Cortez. They were pretty good.

After that, hit the bar for some bartop VP. Kinda down for a while, lots of good stiff Absoluts, it gets a bit blurry.

Made a comeback at the end with this:


and this:




The night ended kind of blurry, which was good.

And I'm up $835 on the trip.