The Degenerate's Eye View

Saturday - Day 1 - continued

I take the elevator down, and even though I am dog tired, the rush of the casino washes over me in a tsunami of noise and smoke and perfume. I feel like a familiar old flame has snuck a kiss. I walk through the Nugget, and out across Fremont, which is alive with its new-found carnival atmosphere.

The Las Vegas Club is no more - only a low pile of rubble is left, and I marvel that for perhaps the first time ever, I can see all of the California Hotel and Casino at one glance. I quickly walk the block, alongside Binions, cross at the light, and walk into the Cal.

I have that feeling of being home, and I see a few familiar faces. It's not like there are disembodied faces floating along that I recognize - the faces are attached to people, actually. The place is rocking, and I stroll along the pit, dodging potential Island Senior Girlfriends with their various assistive mobility devices.

Up the escalator, past the jerky shop, which I have yet to ever buy anything from, and across the skywalk to Main Street Station. And then that wonderful degenerate's eye view of the casino.

I quash the pull of the Boar's Head Bar and find an available Aces no Faces machine. This is IT. Five quarters go in, and... no dealt Aces. I win nothing. Five more quarters and.... a pair. I'm then dealt an Ace with no face and five extra quarters pang into the tray. One down, next stop four of 'em.

After about eight or nine hands, I'm out. I will have to use paper money now. I find an appropriate nickel machine, and insert five dollars. I order a Lucky Heineken as soon as is humanly possible.

Welcome to Fabulous Cheap Vegas

Saturday - Day 1 continued...

I get seated in the Dreaded Middle Seat, a five hour flight ahead of me, SMH FML WTF.

Fortunately, the lad to my left - while very excitable - is fairly thin. The fellow to my right isn't overflowing the seat or anything, and he's keeping to himself, so other than elbow-wrestling for the armrest, the ride shouldn't be too bad.

The fellow to my left says a few things to someone behind us and then I know. A few minutes later, I confirm it.

"You're Irish aren't you."

"Ayy di diy di diy," he replies.

"Why aren't you drunk?"

This is all in good fun because I'm part Irish (the drinking part). So we chat a bit and he chats a bit with his other pals, and with almost everyone aboard, I see Line Guy coming down the aisle - alone. More Ayy Di Diy chatting occurs between Line Guy and basically everyone around me for four or five rows - all Irish.

After I ask the lad if they are part of a team or something and I get the story. They are part of a bachelor party. Now it all falls into place like a limerick, in an A A B B A rhyming scheme. But there's more. They are part of a DOUBLE bachelor party. Two grooms.

Beer Irishman happens to be the brother of one of the grooms, and as the doors close, the story circulates around. As we take off, I can't stand it any more and I ask the lad next to me what happened.

No, Beer Irishman didn't get on the plane. They took him away. In handcuffs, hands behind his back.

I say to the little fella next to me, "I bet I can guess what his name is."

"Ayy di diy di guess lad diy di, what?" says the little fella.

"Literally O'Fucked."

It seems likely that he will never see Las Vegas and will be deported right back to the Emerald Isle.

We chat about Vegas - they are all going for the first time. I like this lad. And I feel sorry for his very stupid friend. I ask him what they plan to do, and the answer is fairly predictable - clubs, strip club, drinking, gambling. Hey, it's a stag, what else?!

I ask him where they are staying.

"Ayy di Excalibur!"

Dear God.

I smile politely and tell him that it is a fine choice for a group of young drunken single Irishmen and they will find plenty of epic things to do in that part of the strip. There's just no point in getting into it, why bogart his trip doobie?

The trip passes surprisingly quickly. I watch some of my shows, and eat the travelburrito, which is surprisingly palatable. I take my time and chew each bite 69 times, extending the as long as possible the time that the burrito will entertain me. One should always take one's time while masticating, don't you agree?

Finally we land in Las Vegas, touching down at exactly midnight my time. I text the Quad Queen.

"The Lunchbox has Landed."

Ten excited winners, and one loser. Wrong way, dickhead!!!

The Drunk Whisperer

No-Roller Trip - Saturday - Day 1

After sixty or so Las Vegas trips, I have figured out that the exact ratio of clean shirts you need to pack to days away from home is 1 to 2.66, plus one for the teapot.

For underwear, double that: 1 pair of underwear to 5.32 days, plus one for the potty.

Pants, double it again. You need one pair of pants for every 10.64 days you're away. The pair you wear on travel day counts as the spare.

Easy peasy, antsy pantsy.

All of my clothing for 14 days fits in a Jonny Quest lunch kit.

Now, whenever I travel with the Quad Queen, everything works perfectly. Trains roll, flights fly, connections make. When I travel alone, it's gut-wrenching War and Peace travel drama. And I know a lot of you long-time readers out there have seen this time and time again in the blog, and it's probably repetitive, so I'll be a brief as I can as I relate the story of The Trip Out.

Plan, leave Flusherville at 10:00am, drive to Watertown airport, fly out of there to Philadelphia about 1:00, three and a half hour layover, eat leisurely dinner, leave Philly at 6:05, land at 8:49 Vegas time.

The first let of the trip is great, clean, right on time and perfectly executed with a telemark landing. This leg consists of "walking out to the car at 10:00am." After that... read on.

There are no late February storms to mess me up, the border agents don't mistake me for a serial killer, and let me through, and I arrive on time in Watertown, park, and hit the terminal. I have a little time to wait and I just chill, thinking about all the fun things I'm going to do, all of it stretched out in front of me.

Seven minutes later, at 11:30am, I get a message.

Hiya Clifford

No-Roller Trip - Planning

My father worked at in sales North American Veeblefetzer, back in the halcyon days of multiple Golden Grommet awards, company picnics without any user fees, and before the advent of that lickspittle boss Norbert, who married the CEO's daughter.

This was long before the buy-out by the Pesky Belgians and Crafty Koreans that led to the Flusherville plant becoming Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer.

People say that I have his sense of humor, his well-groomed nose hairs, and his gift of being able to tell a story. We had an easygoing relationship when it came to being a bit silly. I never knew what he was going to say, and he never knew what I was going to do. But the back and forth was like that of a well-rehearsed vaudeville team.

Back then, international grommet sales were booming, and my Dad was an excellent grommet shmoozer - the best. He'd often bring home reps from other companies he was wooing, or executives from other branches of Veeblefetzer for one of Mom's amazing home-cooked meals.

This one time, when I was about 11 years old, a fella by the name of Bill Adams was in town for meetings and Dad invited him to our house for dinner. On the drive over, Bill told Dad about this stray mutt with a missing ear that his kid had brought home.

"My wife, and my kids," Bill sputtered between guffaws, "they named this mangy thing Clifford!"

"Clifford?"

"Yeah, CLIFFORD! HA! Have you ever heard any name anywhere in the universe as stupid as Clifford?"

"Clifford the dog, eh?"

"Yeah. Oh my God what a stupid name! Clifford! Fucking CLIFFORD! C'mere.... CLIFFORD!" 

Bill Adams slapped his leg and wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

Dad pulled into the driveway, the tires of his huge vinyl roofed Impala crunching on the gravel. Dad opened the front door for Bill, and followed him into the house.

And just as they stepped into the foyer, I blazed from the kitchen, through the foyer, headed up to my room on the second floor.

As I went by, my Dad said to me, absolutely stone-faced serious, the following:

"Hiya, Clifford."

Room Sweet Room

With the live updates wrapped up, I'm very busy writing up the tall tales and adventures of savvy degenerism on this recent trip.

So don't worry, there will be more gambling stories coming shortly.

Meanwhile, I thought I'd share this little gem off of Vegas Message Board, which I thought was hilarious.

I wrote it, so naturally I'd think that.

The question posed in this thread was how do you make the room your own?

The responses were very interesting, ranging from chucking stuff into a corner to going on an all-out germ warfare routine.

OK, first things first - every time I enter the room, immediately wash my hands. So I guess first thing is unwrap the soap.

I also test the extra room keys to make sure they work.

Suitcase goes on the stand, and I remove the foot thingy that goes across the bed.

I call down to see if my standing order from Amazon has arrived, and wait for them to bring it up. Meanwhile, I put a few room things away in a large trash bag and tape around the windows with green tape, get some music going, and maybe go and get some ice.

I usually pause for a beer here, check the locks on connecting doors, check window locks, and then push the furniture to the center of the room. When my goods arrive, I wash the walls down with a mixture of TSP and water - one of the garbage cans, first cleaned, is great for mixing this up.

As the walls are drying, I move into the bathroom and TSP the walls in there, and also the tiles. Back in the main room, I use an angle brush to cut along the ceiling lines and wall corners and apply the first coat of Benjamin Moore eggshell Warm White with a roller. I don't worry about the carpet. And I'm not anal, I don't treat the ceiling.

With that done, I move to the bathroom and install new faucets in the sink and shower - Delta all the way, baby. The new bath-grade laminate usually installs nicely over the existing tile, as long as you use enough leveling compound first.

In the past I have called engineering up to help me remove the carpet in the main room - it can be quite a chore and its good to have some help. Five bucks a man usually paves the way for a good clean removal.

Prior to that, I move all the furniture out into the hallway, and check on the standing order from House, Home and Hardwood. They don't always have my sectional in the right fabrics and I often have to make a snap decision.

With the bathroom done (mirror tiles work wonders on all the walls in there), the main room walls done, the laminate installed, the new furniture put in, I have a second beer and call in my Feng Shui expert to place ottomans, vases, lamps and the like to turn the room into a zen oasis - the energy has to flow smoothly so that it is not at odds with my relaxed, easy-going personality.

It's pretty easy to hang new doors if you order the pre-hung ones, so I usually manage that by myself, and with the new draperies up, I'm ready for the casino! 

All Flavors of Hell Breaking Loose Wind - Monday 12-March-2018

Tuesday 13-March-2018 02:00am (EDT)

My melon-shaped head hit the pillow and I was instantly asleep, or would have been if not for Chippy's dog breath as she sat on Master's chest.

Quad Queen, Chippy, Fucking Snow, home sweet home.

Monday 12-March-2018 5:49pm (EDT)

So here's the way it went... I was booked to fly yesterday, Sunday, out of Vegas at 11:35am to Philadelphia, and then a connecting flight to Watertown.

The PHL flight was delayed due to mechanical issues, and I got the email saying I could rebook because of the unmakeable connection.

Using my savvy Internet Skillz, I determined that there were only 3 options. a) try and make it and probably spend the night in Philadelphia on American Airlines' dime b) take a different route through Phoenix, and a red-eye on to PHL and then Watertown c) rebook on a 9:15am flight the next day and have a leisurely layover in PHL.

I got on the phone and they tried to charge me, but I had 'em. Rebook, done. No charge. Another day in Vegas. Next, clear with Veeblefetzer. Next... go and see host to get the room extended for another night.

And I spent the day in Vegas, with the added bonus of hanging out with my cousin, Dr. Raoul Shiboubou, the penguin rancher and wrangler from Manitoba.

I woke up with somewhat of a headache. Let's just say that.

Oh - the Uber driver was an asshole. Drove like an idiot, longhauled me through the tunnel to Terminal 1, and cemented our love-fest by dropping me off at Southwest instead of American.

Anyway, here I am in PHL - any recommendations for something to eat in D, E or F terminals? Drop a line on my Facebook.

Monday 12-March-2018 5:39am

Il'll explain more later... I was booked to fly home yesterday

Didn't happen.

Another day in Vegas and shenanigans with no other than the infamous Dr Raoul Shiboubou?!

https://www.royalflushervegas.com/2016/12/the-triumphant-return-of-dr-raoul.html

This is from the piPhone so no fancy writin'.

More later!

Saturday's Child Has Far To Go - Saturday 10-March-2018

Saturday 10-March-2018 9:48pm

Had a blast playing coin dropper Pay the Aces, No Faces at Main Street Station. $40 lasted me two hours and 900 or so hands.

Then those damn slant tops ate three times that in about eight minutes. I swear there is something more volatile about those slant Game Kings, compared to the old uprights.

The problem with uprights is... it can be very painful to play them for many hours.

Saturday 10-March-2018 3:50pm

Things continue to be choppy - just when you think you've got it sorted... 

Met up with Casey at the D to do my $25 match play, and two $5 match plays too, emboldened by the ticket you see below.

First I lost $40 at the Longbar, but gained a couple of Long Boards. Excellent. Then blackjack.
It went great for a while, but lost the $25 match play on a dealer blackjack. I had a good hand, too, 19.

Things really turned for good when I bet $15, doubled it, and the twit sitting at third base next to Casey refused to double on an Ace 6 against a dealer 6. Of course I lost the hand, and we kept track of what would have happened if she'd doubled - dealer would have busted. 

It went halfway into the dumper, then they changed dealers and it plummeted into the dumper.

Casey showed good instincts, wanting to walk with maybe 45% of our stake. My degenerate nature kept me obsessively in play until it was all gone except $20, dragging Casey with me to $0.
By the way, some dealers are great and some suck ass. The dickhead who finished us off - first hand, I'm dealt 20 against his 3 or something.

Fucking guy points at my hand, waiting for me to tell him no I don't want to make the stupidest draw in blackjack ever, thank you. Help a guy out and you might see a few tips. No need to even ask on 20.
A quick visit to the good ole downtown deuces at the Elco killed off $50 in about 14 minutes.

What happened?!!

Saturday 10-March-2018 10:12am

Violent video poker plan violently executed. I should Patton this.

(See what I did there?)

Saturday 10-March-2018 8:04am

The ole flusher bankroll is at stake (heh). Looks like I've got some gambling to do!

What do you do at the end of the trip? Do you coast smoothly and carefully? Do you go balls out and violently?

Yeah, I'm up for some damn violent video poker.

BRING ON THE POINTIES.

Catshit Bonus Time - Friday 9-March-2018

Friday 9-March-2018 11:48pm

Note to self: Fire incompetent host.

Had a very enjoyable meet-up with a long-time blog supporter and reader. I'd asked my host if she could set up a comp for two people at Redwood Steakhouse and she said and I quote "yes honey, what time?". I reconfirmed that it was for two, not one person.

Dinner was great as always and when the bill came, it wasn't covered. Awkies.

Friday 9-March-2018 3:34pm

Made the move back downtown and had a long session of blackjack. After an hour I was up $6. After two hours I was down $50. After three hours I was down $80. I never really got it going. At the end I got felted (which I rather enjoyed) by the dealer with the sweetest smile ever, Lynn.

I'd lazarused five times but in the end, they get it all. Which is different from getting it all in the end.

One cool thing happened - four simu-blackjacks, one for everyone that was playing the hand.

Four Blacks Jack.

Friday 9-March-2018 9:00am

Got an interesting day lined up which will include such activities as drinking, over-eating, and gambling.

Mic drop.

I'm not feeling particularly inspired due to happenings back in Flusherville, but Vegas is in front of me, and I won't waste it.

Besides, you Flushies want me to get into some kind of hilarious trouble, and I can't let you down on that score.

Hey, maybe I'll even win the catshit bonus!

Vicki Turn Your Back On Me - Thursday 8-March-2018

Thursday 8-March-2018 9:33pm

This was a very crazy day for various reasons. At the Cal tonight, that progressive was up over $1800 so I went after it. Got some good hands but didn't take it down. When I left it was well over $2000.

I watched a drug deal go down on the SDX bus, and I got my diploma for the Grommet One conference.

I'm free of volunteer commitments now!

Thursday 8-March-2018 1:41pm

When getting comped tickets at the Tropicana, and having been asked which show one wants to see, replying "Magic one. I want to see some magic. Let's hope that this one can stay out of jail." is met with a new level of cold stony silence, and a heavily restrained (but still there) stink eye from all concerned.

Thursday 8-March-2018 5:02am

Up early this morning, after a night of sweet dreams of Vikki Dougan walking away.

When I was a lad, my father had a record by the Limeliters (The Slightly Fabulous Limeliters) and on that album was a song about Vikki Dougan, who caused a sensation (and exposed a new cleavage) in her daring, backless gowns.

And all of a sudden, there she was, included in a series of way cool vintage Vegas photos in the Cosmopolitan.

I'm not busty, so what's a girl to do?

Apparently, Miss Dougan was the inspiration for Jessica Rabbit.

Grommet One - Wednesday 7-March-2018

Wednesday 7-March-2018 10:57pm

Things got a bit sloppy at the Chandelier bar at Cosmo - I was overdriving my drink tickets. I ended up having a snootful and still gave two tickets away.

My last Maker's went into a plastic traveller so as not to take glassware from the bar, and I promptly dumped it on a marble counter.

I had a really good time at that bar and some interesting things happened.

And I enjoyed the music. It's a rarity to hear Ranking Full Stop in a casino - or anywhere these days - and that cheered me up bigtime.

Why did I need cheering up? A good friend of mine, and faithful reader of this blog, is facing a tough challenge. She's up to it but it is going to be hard work.

So sweetie, this is for you. xx oo.

Meanwhile, the rest of you mooks can play 'Find the Deuces'. There's two sets of  'em in this photo.

Wednesday 7-March-2018 2:00pm

Finally got a break on the free play. $15 freeplay, three quads in quick succession (clumping) and $121.25 out. Now I can go and piss that away!

Wednesday 7-March-2018 5:45am

It's an exciting day in Las Vegas at the Grommet One Symposium, where I'll be volunteering to pick up a few hundred used coffee cups throughout the day. Supplies for the Little Giant should not be an issue now!

Oh yeah - the sunrise got up this morning, too.

You know how you have maybe a bad run in the casino one night and you slink back to your room clenching your fists and feeling very angry and knowing you should take a break so you sit in your room and put on some shitty TV show and then grind up one of every pill, vitamin, Rolaid, and antihistamine you have and snort the whole mess and then throw successively heavy objects against the windows to see what it takes to break one?

Yeah, me neither.

Usually the next day I feel far enough way from 'the badness' that I have hope and optimism for the next time out. Still feeling a little ragged about it.

Monetarily it wasn't very bad, but I had a personal streak on the line. Read the whole report when it comes out to find out what the fuck I'm talking about.

All You Need Is Cash - Tuesday 6-March-2018

Tuesday 6-March-2018 8:42pm

Today was a write-off. Ever notice that the days you have the worst luck and worst results you actually play very little? No way to spin it, and I have no idea what I can say that is remotely entertaining.

How about a random photo?

De Vito and Schwarzenegger bat phones.

Tuesday 6-March-2018 2:07pm

I'm ensconced at the Tropicana and went in search of coffee supplies - you know, paper cups, creamers and such. (Paper cups don't pack well.)

I have just pulled off the most daring daylight java raid ever.

I saw an opportunity, dangerous yes, but the rewards were sky high. In a conference room, they'd set up for a huge presentation. The doors were open and a few early arrivals had found places to sit.

There across the carpet lay my target - a huge layout of hot coffee, tea, and all the junk that goes with it. I waltzed in like I owned the place and pulled three or four paper cups off the stack. Then I scanned for useful additions. All the cream was in jugs, so no little creamers to be had. There was honey, and teabags and crap.

And there were mugs. Real, hardcore, ceramic room camping cheap bastard coffee mugs. I grabbed one and headed for the door.

Just out in the hallway... security guard approaching. Shit! I switched the mug to my right hand and hid it as best I could. He looked right at me. I tucked it up behind my hand, hoping I wouldn't feel the long percolated arm of the coffee law.

Somehow, I made it by and practically ran for the elevator. Score! Enjoying a Little Giant Coffee Machine black coffee (with purloined Starbuck's stevia).

It's too bad there were no creamers. It's not like I was going to pour a bunch of cream into one of their paper cups and make off with it like nobody's business...

Hmmmmm.

Hmmmmm.

Tuesday 6-March-2018 6:50am

It's so comforting to wake up to the gaze of the Pre-fab Four greeting you with their staring eyes. We all love them - Dirk, Barry, Stig and Nasty - and the way their music lives on at Mirage is very appropriate.

Direct from Rutland, Dirk, Stig, Barry and Nasty. Maybe not in that order.

It's been a while since I've seen "RUT" at the Mirage, but believe me, the Tijana-based Circo Olé brings the classic hits to life in a spectacle that can't be missed, with their surreal costumes, running around, jumping, waving of arms as in trying to signal for Help, and occasionally hanging from a vividly painted jungle gym.

And so, there they are. Looking the way they look, the way we remember them - looking right at me. In my room.

Staring. They were there last night, they were there yesterday, and they are there this morning, fucking STARING at me.

I'm closing the drapes.

Dick Heads- Monday 5-March-18

Monday 5-March-18 5:39pm

This trip might be my worse ever for turning freeplay into cash. I'm batting about 35%.

Video poker has been really bad today. I'm having nothing but the kind of session where you put in a $20 bill and the first 8 hands are nothing. Then you get a pair. Then you lose four more hands. You're basically trying to win back $15 with $5 left in the machine - just to get even.

Blackjack has been very interesting this trip. In fact, I might have to change my name to Royal Jacker or something.

But who am I kidding - VP is just in my DNA. Even Google Photos thinks so - it's pegged the video poker characters as family members of mine. Now that's degenerate.

Monday 5-March-18 2:23pm

I've been to Ellis Island about six times and every time I'm too early for BBQ.

Timing fail. I've lost $20 playing to qualify for the $10 freeplay.

At least I won a free beer.


Monday 5-March-18 6:52am

Treasure Island has a nicer view than the Cal does, and they poured me Maker's Mark at the bar last night.

I asked about Maker's in the Cal pit yesterday, and the answer was no. So there it seems that either there is some bartender discretion, or someone didn't get the memo. Regardless, it seems clear that Boyd has barred the taps on better booze brands for base-level bettors.

T.I. gave me $100 free play and a room for a few nights, no resort fee, so I booked it of course. Doesn't matter much, I'll be off volunteering at Grommet Expo during the days anyway.

One thing that T.I. has over other properties is the number of girls with dicks on their heads.

Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer 300 - Sunday 4-March-18

Sunday 4-March-18 8:21pm

What a day! After about 15 minutes of volunteering as a Mountain Dew host, I bailed, and took up my rightful place chasing degenerate jackpots.

As if the $2200 progressive the other night (which I didn't win) wasn't enough, the progressive on the Mezzanine level (aka upstairs) at the Cal got up to $2800 (which I also didn't win) by the time I left.

I spent $2700 chasing this, then went for lunch. Upon my return it was at $2800.

I met a very sweet little I.S.G. who sat down next to me while I was in the midst of losing all the cash I had on my person chasing said royal progressive and on her first hand, held but a single Ace and got Aces Kicker. I was very happy for her, congratulated her effusively, and then muttered obscenities at 10dB quieter than she could possible hear.

Things got reallllly crazy at a blackjack table at the Plaza. I can't even. I'll explain all when I write up the full trip report.

Then it was a fucked up Uber ride to T.I. Wait, what?

An Uber ride?

Summoned from the Uber app?

Could it be that the Uber support people actually fixed my account so that it could access the money pit rather than get flooded through the box drains at the swamp?

Yes, Uber actually worked, for those that have read along with the Blunder Down Under trip.

Sunday 4-March-18 5:21am

I've noticed a preponderance of people wearing clothing festooned with large digits. As well, they display a plethora of commercial advertising logos.

This can mean only one thing.

It's NASCAR in Las Vegas, and I have the opportunity to be acting as a Mountain Dew host in the Monster Veeblefetzer Grommet powered by Mountain Dew presented by Xfinity Mr. Takeout Coffee 300 race IGT Loose Deuce edition.

I'm up and at 'em and the Little Giant Coffee Machine is brewing a steaming cup of Mr. Takeout Coffee. There's nothing like real takeout coffee you make at home!

Tried the Simpsons. It was actually pretty fun, if unfathomable. The waving hand sensor stuff is bullshit. Nobody understands what to do, and then it doesn't work anyway.

No-Roller Free Scenery - Saturday 03-March-18

Saturday 03-March-18 9:26pm

What a struggle on blackjack. Over almost 3 hours, I played on four different tables.

Why?

• yammering fake jewellery diva trying to lure the dealer into her pyramid scheme holding crystal 'parties'
• very cute dealer named Lynn with a beautiful smile, aka black widow killer of bankrolls
• dealer who didn't like that I consulted my strategy card for 10 seconds, and that I told her to quit rushing me, and then starting firing my cards on the other side of my drink and chips instead of in front of me. I told her where I would like them, and next hand she did it again. COLOR.
• final table was a winner. Nice dealer, nice people, and made my win goal

Saturday 03-March-18 3:21pm

HUGE shout out to T.H. Thanks for supporting the degeneracy!!!! Your donation is highly appreciated.

Saturday 03-March-18 11:03am

I opted for buffet breakfast. Very healthy because vegetables along with the sausage, cheese, and greasy meat.

Flusher's Fortunes have Fled this morning, but I did manage to play 1h 10m on $20 on Treasure Chest.

Saturday 03-March-18 6:31am

Just like you never know what surprises you might find in your pants after a hard night of drinking and gambling, you never know what kind of free scenery Las Vegas might put up for your gratis viewing pleasure.

Good morning, you gambling freeloaders!

Now that's a pretty stunning sunrise, brought to you by my trusty Cameron G16. Jimmy Poon bought a box of these on a Vancouver dock. Paid cash.

Apparently they are just as good as the real thing.

Actually, there's a sticker that says 'Cameron' on it and I think it is covering up another logo.

The Little Giant Coffee Machine has more than paid for itself already, and has made another splendid cup of Mr. Takeout Coffee(TM) - Real Takeout CoffeeYou Make at Home!

The question now is... eat real food, or a round of Torment Oatmeal (with emergency nuts).

One Card Away - Friday 02-March-2018

Friday 02-March-2018 6:49pm

I'm not sure what's wrong.

Maybe it's the coffee.

But I can't stop winning today. Oh yeah! I kissed a hundred dollar bill and I liked it.

I did a $5 parlay experiment which completely bombed. I've come to the conclusion that short-funded parlays are a bad idea. There aren't enough credits there to ride out the dips. Nine tries, nine results of zero. I'll explain more in the full trip report.

After that, I was pissed off - and who wouldn't be - and did my old 'pick some ridiculously volatile game with a horrid paytable and hope for a bold of lightning' trick. Like so many times before, it paid off!

Ultra Bonus. Aces and 2,3,4 premium quads, no fucking around with kickers. I wonder what the payback is on this paytable. Tring? Get your slide rule out.

If you think that is pretty great - and it is - there's more. And that more will have to wait until the full trip report, because I'm not going to blow my whole load here and now. I'm only going to blow the Ultra part of my load.

That all did not come out right.

Going to check my keno ticket and play some blackjack.

Friday 02-March-2018 12:13pm

Strange things have been almost happening, like this almost royal on the redeal.

It's not the first time this trip, either.

This has happened three or four times in the last couple of days.

It would be great to tick the box for getting a royal on the redeal. It would be great to get a royal, period.


Friday 02-March-2018 7:10am

Looks like a sunny day in Vegas. I was able to sit out in the sun yesterday and be quite comfortable. I'm hoping it snows at home, so I can feel so superior because I'm away from the snow. Enjoying the misery of others' snow would be Snowdenfroid, I guess you could call it.

The Little Giant Coffee Machine is performing flawlessly. I'm really happy with it. It makes - get this - hot coffee!

The real payoff is on mornings like this one where my head is not quite keeping up with my body. I don't have to go anywhere, I don't have to talk to anyone - I just fire up the Little Giant (okay, so I press a button) and a couple of minutes later, fresh brewed antidote.

Coffee is nalaxone for a hangover.

Because I was not able to get the huge Double Double Bonus progressive royal at Main Street Station last night, I have also put the Little Giant to work making a little giant cup of Punishment Oatmeal (with emergency nuts in). That will be my breakfast, and my bio-penance for such (enjoyable) self-abuse at the hands of the Devil Alcohol.

Onc card short of $1970. I did win $1.25 though.

Behold the sexy high-flying luxury hotel lifestyle of the Savvy Gambler.

A Cup of Coffee.